Lines We Cross

Chapter 21

~ next morning ~

YN was slouched on the couch, her gaze fixed on the floor, feeling the heavy silence settle around them. Elizabeth sat across from her, arms crossed, her expression a mix of worry, frustration, and something harder to read.

Elizabeth cleared her throat, her voice calm but tinged with a controlled edge. "So, do you want to tell me what's been going on?"

YN shrugged, barely looking up. "I thought it was pretty obvious. I needed to let loose."

"Let loose?" Elizabeth echoed, her tone sharper. "YN, this isn't just a few nights of partying. This... this feels like self-destruction."

YN's jaw tightened. "Maybe I needed to destroy a few things," she muttered, almost to herself. "Not everyone can be perfect all the time."

Elizabeth's expression shifted, her eyes narrowing slightly. "Perfect? Is that what you think I'm expecting from you?"

Silence stretched between them, thick with unspoken words. YN's fingers tightened into fists, and she forced herself to meet Elizabeth's gaze. "You don't get it. The expectations—everything. You don't know what it's like to feel trapped by them."

"Then explain it to me," Elizabeth said softly, her voice gentler but insistent. "I'm not here to judge you, YN. I'm here because I care. But watching you throw yourself into this... chaos—it hurts."

YN felt the words hit her, softening her anger for a moment. She let out a frustrated sigh, her voice dropping to a whisper. "I don't know how to handle it sometimes. I needed an escape, something to stop me from feeling... everything."

Elizabeth's gaze softened, but there was still a hard edge to her tone. "And does that escape include sleeping with other people?"

YN flinched, the question hitting her like a slap. She bit her lip, her mind scrambling for words. "I—yes, sometimes," she admitted, barely audible. "I didn't... I wasn't trying to hurt you. I just... I don't know. It felt like I needed something... someone."

Elizabeth's face fell, a mix of hurt and disappointment flickering in her eyes. "Do you understand how that feels to hear? That you thought of me as just someone else in the line of people you could turn to? Because that's what it sounds like."

"Lizzie, it's not like that," YN said quickly, her voice rising with desperation. "I didn't mean for it to be like that. I just—" She trailed off, her hands clenching as she struggled to find the words.

Elizabeth took a slow, steadying breath, her voice softer but still pained. "What do you want from this, YN? From us? Because right now, it feels like I'm just an option—a convenience."

YN shook her head, guilt pooling in her stomach. "That's not it. It's not like that with you, Lizzie. You... you're different." The words were choked, barely escaping past the lump in her throat. "I care about you."

Elizabeth watched her, a flicker of vulnerability crossing her face. "Then why all this? The drinking, the hookups, the chaos? If you care, then why do this?"

"Because it's the only thing that keeps me from thinking about everything else," YN admitted, her voice raw. "The only thing that keeps me from feeling like I'm suffocating under my family's expectations."

Elizabeth's face softened, and she reached out, placing a gentle hand over YN's. "Your family... are they really worth tearing yourself apart like this? Is their judgment worth all this?"

The question hit YN harder than she expected, and she looked down, unable to meet Elizabeth's gaze. "They expect perfection. They expect me to live up to the Sterling name, to make them proud. I don't know who I am if I'm not doing that."

Elizabeth's thumb rubbed soothing circles over YN's knuckles. "And what about you? What do you want, YN? Not your family, not the Sterling legacy—what do you want?"

The question hung in the air, and YN's throat tightened, her mind racing. She wanted to say she knew, that she had some answer, but the truth was she'd been running from that question for so long she didn't know where to start.

"I don't know," she whispered, the words feeling like an admission of defeat.

Elizabeth's face softened further, a hint of sadness in her gaze. "YN, you don't have to have it all figured out. But you can't keep running, either. You're just hurting yourself... and the people who care about you."

They sat in silence for a moment, the weight of Elizabeth's words settling over YN like a heavy blanket. Part of her wanted to push Elizabeth away, to reject everything she was saying. But another part—a deeper, quieter part—knew Elizabeth was right.

Elizabeth hesitated before speaking again, her voice barely above a whisper. "Look, I know you might not want to go home for Christmas, given everything... but if you don't, you could stay here. With me."

YN looked up, surprise flickering across her face. "With you?"

Elizabeth nodded, her hand still resting on YN's. "Yes. I know things have been... complicated, but you shouldn't be alone. Not if you don't want to be."

The offer stirred something warm and unfamiliar in YN's chest, a feeling she hadn't allowed herself to feel in a long time. "Thank you. I'll... think about it."

Elizabeth nodded, her gaze understanding. "Take your time. I'm here, whatever you decide."

They sat in silence again, the air between them charged with unspoken words and emotions. Finally, Elizabeth broke the silence, her tone softer but serious. "And... this talk of 'older women'? YN, you can't keep risking things like that. Your friends knowing is one thing, but it could easily spiral."

YN shifted uncomfortably, guilt prickling her skin. "I know. I just... I wasn't thinking straight. I'll be more careful."

Elizabeth's expression softened, a hint of a smile playing at her lips. "Good. Because I think we both know that if this got out... it would be messy."

YN managed a small, tired smile. "Yeah. Messy doesn't even begin to cover it."

They shared a quiet, understanding look, and for the first time in a long time, YN felt a flicker of peace, like she was no longer fighting this battle alone.

Elizabeth squeezed her hand one last time before letting go. "Just... don't shut me out, YN. Not anymore."

YN nodded, her gaze steady as she looked at Elizabeth. "I won't. I promise."

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