Lines We Cross

Chapter 39

~ few days later ~

The waiting room felt both familiar and foreign, the muted colors doing little to calm YN's frayed nerves. She sat there, tapping her fingers lightly on her knee, counting the seconds until Dr. Hansen would call her in. The recent panic attacks lingered like shadows, haunting her sleep and squeezing her chest when she least expected it. She wasn't sure why she'd come back—something about the pressure from Maya and Nina and maybe the silent fear that she couldn't handle this on her own anymore.

"YN?" Dr. Hansen's soft voice cut through her thoughts, and she looked up, giving a short nod before standing and following the doctor into her office.

Once they settled in, Dr. Hansen smiled gently, her calm demeanor slightly disarming. "Welcome back, YN. I'm glad to see you again."

YN managed a tight-lipped smile, looking around the room as if to avoid Dr. Hansen's steady gaze. "Yeah... well, here I am."

Dr. Hansen gave her space to settle, letting a small pause hang in the air before gently asking, "How have you been feeling since our last session?"

YN shifted, her eyes trained on a spot on the floor. "Fine, I guess," she muttered, then sighed, shaking her head. "No, that's a lie. I've been... struggling. The panic attacks—they're getting worse."

Dr. Hansen nodded thoughtfully, her expression remaining calm. "Can you tell me about them? What happens when they start?"

For a moment, YN hesitated, but the memories of those attacks—the tightness in her chest, the overwhelming sense of losing control—pushed her to speak. "It's like... I can't breathe. Everything feels too loud, too close. My chest feels like it's caving in, and there's this... this fear that I can't shake."

Dr. Hansen leaned forward slightly, her gaze unwavering. "That sounds incredibly overwhelming. I'm sorry you've been experiencing that. Do you notice any patterns? Times or places where they're more likely to happen?"

YN's fingers fidgeted as she thought about it. "They seem to happen when I'm alone. Or when I think about... everything." She looked away, the weight of her admission pressing down on her.

"Everything?" Dr. Hansen prompted gently.

"Yeah, everything," YN replied, her voice barely above a whisper. "My family, the Sterling name, the expectations... and then there's... Lizzie." Her voice faltered, but she forced herself to continue. "I ended things with her, and I keep telling myself it was the right thing to do. But... it's like a part of me is just... hollow now."

Dr. Hansen's expression softened, her gaze understanding. "Relationships, especially ones that are meaningful to us, can stir up a lot of emotions. It sounds like Lizzie was important to you."

YN swallowed, her throat suddenly tight. "Yeah, she was... she is. But I had to let her go. My dad would've destroyed her career, her reputation. He would've done anything to separate us, and I couldn't let that happen. So, I did what I thought was best for her."

There was a silence between them as Dr. Hansen let YN's words settle. "That sounds like an incredibly difficult decision, YN. You put her well-being above your own happiness. That must weigh heavily on you."

YN felt a lump rise in her throat, but she forced it down, her jaw tightening. "It doesn't matter. I had to do it. It's just... it feels like everything I do is for someone else. First my family, now Lizzie. I don't know what I even want anymore."

Dr. Hansen nodded, her expression thoughtful. "That's understandable, YN. It's easy to lose sight of ourselves when we're constantly putting others' needs first. And it sounds like you've been doing that for a long time."

"Yeah," YN murmured, her voice barely a whisper. She glanced away, her fingers digging into her palms. "I don't even know what it feels like to just... do something for me."

Dr. Hansen gave her a moment before speaking again. "YN, you've been carrying a lot on your shoulders. The pressure from your family, the expectations tied to the Sterling name, protecting Lizzie... it's no wonder you're feeling this way. But therapy can be a space where you explore what you truly want, without the weight of those expectations."

YN shifted, looking uncertain. "I don't know... therapy just feels... I don't know if it's for me."

Dr. Hansen's gaze was patient, understanding. "That's okay. Therapy isn't a quick fix. It's a journey, and it takes time. Sometimes, it can feel uncomfortable or even frustrating. But it can also be a space for you to find clarity."

YN rolled her eyes slightly, a small, defensive smile playing on her lips. "Sounds too good to be true."

Dr. Hansen chuckled softly. "I understand your skepticism. But I encourage you to give it a chance. Therapy can be challenging, but it can also help you rediscover who you are—beyond the Sterling name, beyond anyone else's expectations."

There was a silence as YN processed the words, her mind swirling with doubts and fragments of memories—of Lizzie, her friends, her family's looming expectations.

Dr. Hansen continued gently, "It's okay to feel lost, YN. This journey doesn't have to be perfect. You don't have to have all the answers right away."

For the first time, YN looked directly into Dr. Hansen's eyes, something fragile, almost hopeful, flickering in her gaze. "I... I don't know if I can do that."

Dr. Hansen offered her a small, reassuring smile. "That's okay. You don't have to know right now. Just take things one step at a time. And know that I'm here to support you, no matter how long it takes."

YN swallowed, nodding slightly. The weight on her chest felt a fraction lighter, though the tension remained. As she stood up to leave, Dr. Hansen's voice stopped her.

"Before you go, YN," Dr. Hansen said, "I want you to try something simple to help when you're feeling overwhelmed. It's a grounding technique—focusing on your senses to bring you back to the present."

YN sighed but nodded, willing to give it a try. Dr. Hansen instructed her to focus on five things she could see, four things she could touch, three things she could hear, two things she could smell, and one thing she could taste.

"It sounds... stupid," YN muttered, a faint smile breaking through.

Dr. Hansen chuckled. "It does, but it can be surprisingly effective. It's just a way to anchor yourself when things feel too big."

As YN walked out of the office, the grounding technique lingered in her mind. It wasn't much, but it was something.

______________
1105 words