𝐅𝐀𝐖𝐍•ᵉ ʲᵃᵉᵍᵉʳ

11

𝚠𝚎𝚍𝚗𝚎𝚜𝚍𝚊𝚢, 𝚘𝚌𝚝𝚘𝚋𝚎𝚛 𝟸𝟾𝚝𝚑

𝐈𝐓𝐒 𝐁𝐄𝐄𝐍 𝐄𝐗𝐀𝐂𝐓𝐋𝐘 𝐎𝐍𝐄 𝐌𝐎𝐍𝐓𝐇 𝐒𝐈𝐍𝐂𝐄 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐒𝐊𝐄𝐓𝐂𝐇𝐄𝐑 𝐒𝐇𝐎𝐖𝐃𝐎𝐖𝐍, the chaotic fight, the random kisses, and that wild night of blacking out. As Halloween appropriate, I found myself deep in a monotonous routine that felt all too familiar.

Classes came and went, but Eren remained a ghost in my life. I had convinced myself that he didn't want to be friends anymore, not after the way we were left things in the library. The parties I used to thrive on seemed to have vanished, replaced by a blur of study sessions, sleep, and binge-watching far too much reality TV.

My friends were still around, sometimes coaxing me into shopping trips or grabbing a quick bite, but those moments felt fleeting. Whenever I heard them laughing, I couldn't shake the nagging feeling that I was missing something. A couple of days ago, I overheard a few girls in the dining hall gossiping about Eren and Historia being spotted together at the mall. The mention of their names sent a sharp pang through my chest. It was stupid, really. I should have been over him by now, but the thought of him and Historia hanging out made me feel like I was back at square one.

And the dreams. Every single night, they haunted me—vivid, intense, and filled with what-ifs. I'd wake up tangled in my sheets, the remnants of his smile still dancing in my mind. I couldn't escape it, not even in my sleep. It was like some part of me refused to let go, clinging to the hope that maybe things could be different. But as the days passed, it became harder to believe that Eren would want anything to do with me again.

So, I kept my head down, focusing on my studies and trying to ignore the ache in my chest every time I thought about him. Halloween was around the corner, and while everyone else seemed excited about costumes and parties, I felt more like a bystander in my own life.

Over the past month, I had a lot of time to reflect, and it hit me just how mean I'd been to Eren. I was too wrapped up in my own feelings to see how my words might've affected him. I didn't want him to dislike me; I just felt so damn defensive, like I had to protect myself at all costs.

I thought being snarky was my shield, but all it did was create more distance between us. It dawned on me that I could've approached things differently, maybe even tried to understand what he was going through instead of lashing out.

Eren wasn't like Leno; he was quiet and reserved, a stark contrast to the playful flirty banter I'd grown accustomed to. If Leno had acted like Eren did when we first met—so brooding and distant— but upfront at the same time—I would have steered clear of him. Instead, I found myself longing for that easy camaraderie we once shared. Maybe if I'd just made an effort to connect, things wouldn't have spiraled out of control like they did.

Instead, I let my insecurities get the best of me. I'd often replay our last conversation in the library, the words I said echoing in my mind like a broken record. "Whatever, sorry for last night, I guess. I'm leaving." The memory made me cringe. I could've reached out, offered an olive branch instead of slamming the door on what little friendship we had left.

Now, with each passing day, it felt like the chance to repair our relationship was slipping through my fingers. And as I thought about Halloween approaching—without any plans or excitement—I realized I was just as much to blame for the rift between us.

The thought of Eren and Historia possibly dating made my stomach churn. Just the idea of those two together sent a jolt of irritation through me. It felt so unfair that the one person I had genuinely wanted to connect (not really!) with was now hanging out with the girl I hated more than anyone else in the world.