𝐅𝐀𝐖𝐍•ᵉ ʲᵃᵉᵍᵉʳ

32

𝚜𝚊𝚝𝚞𝚛𝚍𝚊𝚢, 𝚓𝚊𝚗𝚞𝚊𝚛𝚢 𝟸𝟺𝚝𝚑

𝐘'𝐊𝐍𝐎𝐖 𝐓𝐇𝐀𝐓 𝐅𝐄𝐄𝐋𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐘𝐎𝐔 𝐆𝐄𝐓 𝐖𝐇𝐄𝐍 𝐘𝐎𝐔𝐑 𝐇𝐄𝐀𝐑𝐓 𝐃𝐑𝐎𝐏𝐒 𝐓𝐎 𝐘𝐎𝐔𝐑 𝐀𝐒𝐒, and your throat tightens up, and you can't stop crying? People usually get that when a family member dies. That's not me. Here I am, sobbing every liquid out of my eyeballs over a letter the guy I've been obsessed with for over four months has sent me as an apology. I've been heaving and gasping for just a smidge of air. I don't know why I'm acting like this. God, he apologized?

The letter is crumpled in my shaking hands, smudged with tears and stained with the remnants of my grief. I read it over and over, each word cutting deeper into my chest. "I'm sorry for everything," he wrote, and I can almost hear his voice—soft, sincere, yet laced with a desperation that tugs at the remnants of my heart. "I miss you. I know I messed up. I can't stop thinking about you."

How is it possible for a few lines to turn my world upside down? One part of me wants to scream at him for hurting me, for throwing away what we had, while the other part aches for the connection we once shared. I remember the nights we spent tangled in each other's limbs, the heat of our bodies pressed together, whispering secrets and dreams as if we had the whole universe to ourselves.

Does he even recollect the things he said to me? The praises he whispered as he took my body and soul, wrapping me in a warmth I had never known before? Those playful remarks that danced between us, once filled with laughter and light, now feel like distant echoes of a life I can barely recognize. It seems like a lifetime ago, yet here I am, sitting on my bed, clutching his apology as if it's the last lifeline I have. Each word hangs in the air like a ghost, haunting me with what was and what can never be again.

I crumple the letter again, my heart racing with conflicting emotions. Anger bubbles beneath the surface, mixing with the familiar ache of longing. I can't believe he thinks a simple apology will erase the hurt. He kissed Historia. He didn't just betray me; he shattered the trust I had built around him. I feel like I'm standing on the edge of a cliff, teetering between wanting to forgive him and wanting to throw everything he ever said back in his face.

A part of me wants to reply, to let him know how deeply he's hurt me, how his actions left scars that might never heal. But another part of me—one that still craves his presence—wants to reach out and wrap myself in the warmth of his words again. How cruel is it that the boy who broke my heart is the same one I can't seem to stop thinking about?

I wipe my tears away with the back of my hand, feeling the anger swell inside me like a storm. I'm tired of being the girl who cries over boys, who lets them walk all over her feelings. I want to scream at him, to tell him how he ruined everything. I want him to feel the weight of my pain, to understand just how deep his betrayal cut.

But at the same time, I want to kiss his lips and give him everything he could ever want. I want to worship him just as he does to me. I want to touch him, to make him whine and squirm.

But as I sit here, emotions swirling, I know that whatever I choose to do next will define this moment. Do I throw away his letter and move on? Or do I let him back into my life, risking my heart once again?

With trembling hands, I place the letter down on my desk and take a deep breath. The world feels heavy around me, but I refuse to let it crush me. I deserve more than just a half-hearted apology. I deserve to be liked fully, without hesitation or betrayal. And if Eren can't give me that, then maybe it's time to finally let him go.