Only you | Derek Morgan

You, me and the bears

D E R E K ' S   P O V

Almost everyone is asleep the second the lights are dimmed in the cabin of the jet as we leave the runway of the North Carolina airport.

Layla and I are the only ones awake and unlike me, she's getting a jumpstart on her paperwork for the case we just finished.

I poke her cheek. "Nerd."

She slaps my hand away, still engrossed in with the paper and pen in front of her. "Yes, I am a nerd." She says keeping her voice low. "A nerd that will be relaxing tomorrow when you're doing yours."

I sink back in my seat, grinning at her. "Want to do mine too?"

Now she's intrigued, giving me her full attention. "What are you going to do for me?"

"Im going to cook your favourite dinner tonight, give you a back rub and.." Even though everyone's asleep and not in earshot, I bring her lips to her ear when I tell her exactly when I plan to do to her after that back rub.

Flushed, Layla holds out her hand. "Gimme."

After placing my paperwork in her hand, I kiss her blushing cheek. "Need some water?"

The side eye I get is incredible. "Shut up and go to sleep."

Doing what I'm told, I do actually dose off a few minutes later but I stir awake when I feel Layla move beside me. She sets her paperwork down and mouths bathroom to me when I ask if she's okay. Once I check my phone and realise we'll be landing in about twenty minutes I try to wake myself up.

A minute later the cabin bathroom door opens and Layla pokes her head out, looking for me. "Can you bring me my bag?" She mouths, pointing down by my feet.

I bring it straight over to her and she unzips it and pulls out her toiletry case to take out a tampon.

My heart sinks a little. "Layla—"

"I need you not to say anything encouraging right now." She says, cutting me off immediately. Her eyes are begging me not to say another word. "Because you're probably going to make me cry and I can't. Not here."

When she closes the door behind her I go back to my seat. Layla says nothing to me when she comes out, silently going back to finishing her paperwork.

Us "not trying" didn't last long. Basically the day after we decided we weren't going to prevent Layla getting pregnant, she actually started tracking her cycles and ovulation and she even started taking prenatal vitamins, it can't hurt she said. So we're fully trying for a baby, and three times now she's gotten her period at the end of each month.

I can tell it's upsetting her but she always finds some excuse not to talk about it. After we got that first negative pregnancy test result, a few days later she got her period. But that was expected, so she wasn't surprised.

The second month I could definitely sense the disappointment in her demeanour but when I tried to comfort her she laughed it off, made a joke that we weren't trying hard enough and went about the rest of the day without mentioning it again.

The third time she didn't even mention it. Nearing the end of the month it dawned on me so I asked, then she admitted her period had been and gone and rather detached spoke briefly of another failed cycle passing.

But this time I can see she's shutting down completely and I'm not going to let her. I know for a fact she wouldn't discuss this topic with anyone else so I know she's stewing on it, all alone in her own head and it's killing me. I don't want to push her into talking about it but what's the point in having a partner if you can't lean on them for support and encouragement?