Charles barely slept that night. Every time he closed his eyes, he saw Emma’s face, her familiar smile, and the soft look on Max’s face when he saw her. The images felt burned into his mind, refusing to fade. He kept telling himself he was overreacting, but the hollow ache in his chest wouldn’t go away.
The next morning, the tension was almost unbearable. Charles didn’t want to face Max, but he couldn’t avoid him forever. When he finally emerged from his room, Max was sitting at the table, nursing a mug of coffee, looking every bit as exhausted as Charles felt.
“Morning,” Max said, his voice soft, almost hesitant.
Charles forced a nod, trying to ignore the way his stomach twisted. He didn’t want to bring up Emma, didn’t want to give voice to his insecurities, but the silence between them was crushing.
Max seemed to sense it too. “Look, about yesterday… I’m sorry if it was weird, her showing up like that.”
Charles swallowed, his fingers curling tightly around his own coffee mug. “You don’t have to apologize,” he replied, trying to keep his tone even. “She’s your past. It’s not my business.”
Max looked up sharply, frowning. “Charles, of course it’s your business. You’re important to me.”
Charles forced himself to meet Max’s gaze, feeling a spark of frustration. “Am I? Because yesterday, I felt like a stranger in my own home. Like I was intruding on something that wasn’t mine.”
Max’s expression softened, a flash of guilt in his eyes. “Charles, it’s not like that. Emma was just here to talk; there’s nothing between us anymore.”
“But there was,” Charles said quietly, the words slipping out before he could stop them. “She was a part of your life, and maybe a part of you still… belongs to her.”
Max’s jaw tightened, his eyes shadowed with something Charles couldn’t quite read. “It’s not like that. She’s my past, Charles. She left a long time ago, and I’ve moved on.”
But Charles could see the flicker of doubt in Max’s eyes, and it only made the ache in his chest worse. “Max, I just… I need to know if this is real for you. If I’m… enough.”
Max set his mug down with a quiet sigh, his gaze dropping to the table. “Charles, you are. You’re more than enough. I just… I don’t always know how to show it. Emma’s part of my past, but that doesn’t mean you’re not my present. You’re… you’re everything right now.”
Charles’s heart gave a painful twist at the honesty in Max’s voice, but the doubt still lingered, like a dark cloud hanging over him. “I want to believe that, Max. But yesterday… the way you looked at her—it was like you were seeing a part of yourself again. And I… I don’t know if I can compete with that.”
Max looked up, his face etched with frustration. “Why do you think this is a competition? Charles, you’re the one I come home to every night. The one I want to talk to, laugh with, fight with… you’re the one who makes me feel alive. Isn’t that enough?”
Charles’s throat tightened, his voice barely a whisper. “Then why do I still feel like I’m on the outside?”
Max’s eyes softened, a flicker of sadness crossing his face. He reached out, placing a tentative hand on Charles’s arm. “You’re not on the outside, Charles. You’re… you’re the closest anyone’s ever been.”
But something about Max’s words left a hollow feeling in Charles’s chest. Closest anyone’s ever been. It sounded comforting, but it wasn’t quite what Charles wanted to hear. He wanted to be the only one, not just the closest.
“I’m sorry,” Max added, his voice barely above a whisper. “I know I’m not the easiest person to be with. I know I have walls, but they’re not… they’re not to keep you out.”
Charles took a deep breath, nodding, though the ache still lingered. “I know, Max. I know you’re trying. But maybe… maybe I just need some time to figure out if this is enough for me.”
Max’s face fell, his hand slipping from Charles’s arm. “Are you… are you saying you want space?”
Charles shook his head, but he didn’t have the words to explain the turmoil inside him. “No, I don’t want space. I just… I need to feel like I’m not going to lose you every time someone from your past shows up. I need to feel like I’m not a placeholder.”
Max swallowed hard, his gaze dropping to the floor. “You’re not a placeholder, Charles. You’re… you’re the person I want by my side.”
Charles nodded, but his heart felt heavy, the doubts still gnawing at him. He wanted to believe Max, wanted to trust that they could get past this, but a part of him wasn’t sure if they could. The thought of losing Max was almost unbearable, but the thought of being with him and constantly feeling like he wasn’t enough was somehow worse.
They sat in silence, the weight of their unspoken fears filling the room. Charles could feel the distance between them widening, and he didn’t know how to bridge it.
Finally, he stood up, his heart pounding. “I think I just need some time, Max. To figure out… if this is what I want.”
Max’s face fell, but he nodded, a flicker of sadness in his eyes. “I understand. Take all the time you need.”
Charles nodded, but his heart ached as he turned and walked away, feeling the heavy weight of uncertainty pressing down on him. He didn’t know what the future held for them, but for now, all he knew was that he needed to find himself in this storm of emotions, even if it meant stepping away from the person he cared about most.
I'm so sorry for this late upload I've been so busy tbh but anyways sorry about this chapter cuz this is not good
I'm definitely not the best at writing angst so it may have felt something else lmao sorry
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𝘢𝘭𝘭 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳𝘴~ Lestappen
Fanficwhen all the past trauma finds a way out when a person comes into his life, someone very 𝑠𝑝𝑒𝑐𝑖𝑎𝑙. First story<3 Also English is not my first language so mistakes can happen!
