Normal thing - Gracie Abrams

037 I Dont Want This To Be Like This Anymore

I Don't Want This To Be Like This Anymore
037

February, 6, 2024

gracie arrived at gabriella's house while she was in the shower. they hadn't really talked since gabriella had slipped out that morning to see her therapist; their texts had been short, just quick messages like "what are you doing?" gabriella knew that avoiding gracie was the last thing they needed if they were finally going to discuss their relationship, but every time she tried to talk about anything else, it left her feeling like a hypocrite.

the night was windy, and the sound of it filled the quiet house as gracie paced around the living room, rehearsing what she was going to say. she ran through every scenario, imagining how the conversation might unfold, and for a moment, she felt reassured—her words sounded steady, rehearsed, each line impressed her.

gabriella emerged from the bathroom, her hair still damp, wearing a black sweater. she offered gracie a tight smile as she walked over, leaning in for a kiss, but it was brief—a soft, almost hesitant press of her lips against gracie's, more like a quick peck than anything else.

all too well (10 minutes version)(Taylor's version)

"hi," gabriella whispered, settling onto the couch across from gracie.

gracie glanced up, her gaze soft but cautious. "hey."

they each braced for the conversation they'd been avoiding. gracie's fingers fidgeted in her lap, twisting and untwisting, while gabriella's leg bounced with nervous energy.

"can we talk—" they both started at the same time, then paused, each taken aback by the other's voice.

"you go first—" they echoed again, their nervous chuckles filling the silence. the sound carried a bittersweet ache.

gracie took a breath, gesturing gently. "you go first."

"i went to therapy," gabriella blurted out, her voice barely above a whisper.

"oh," gracie's brow furrowed. "how was it?"

"it was... good," gabriella replied, pausing to find the right words. "we talked about a lot, actually. that's why i left the other day without saying anything."

she took a breath, her gaze falling. "gracie, i'm sorry i didn't go to your party or even call. i just... felt out of place. lately, that feeling's been following me everywhere."

"i know," gracie said softly, "i've noticed."

gabriella took a deep breath. "this isn't what i want, gracie. you have to know that. but... it's how i feel."

gracie looked down, the small ache already making its way through her chest. "what are you saying?"

"i think," gabriella began, stopping searching for words that wouldn't make everything shatter. "i think i've been carrying too much — things that don't have anything to do with us, things that are... tangled up in how i see myself, how i've been feeling lately. it's like i'm drowning in things i can't explain. and no matter how much i love you, it's not fair to keep dragging you into it."

gracie's eyes softened, though there was a flicker of sadness behind them. "i chose to be here."

gabriella looked away, unable to hold her gaze. "but lately, it feels like i'm hurting you more."

a silence settled between them, gabriella's mind raced, each thought more desperate than the last. the last thing she wanted was to lose gracie, but every time they tried to hold things together, it felt like their connection slipped further away, frayed at the edges.