I Hate Myself

Friend Worrys

This is my second time writing in a diary or journal thingy, the first time did not go to well because one of my 'friends' read it without my permission, not only that I said NO and she still did it so that's why it might take me a bit to truly write down how I feel.

Most days I really didn't want to get up because I dread school. I finally did today and had a lot of trouble just dragging myself around getting ready. I'm really hoping nobody at school noticed how much of a bad mood I was in.

I have a friend or whatever I don't know if we're friends anymore but when we were little we were really good friends, I have so many good memories but now we're not that close.

Near the end of last year so like around April, she started hanging out with me again and we didn't get to close the only time we really hung out was when we would go for runs.
Those were kind of fun but I was always so uncomfortable for multiple reasons. First off I'm very socially awkward but I want to hang out with her however when I'm with her I feel so awkward and I feel like she just hangs out with me because she feels bad for me. Or she feels obligated because we used to be friends and I don't have many close friends.

And the way she talks bad about her other friends to me behind their backs makes me really worried that she does the same to me and that really hurts me. I care a lot about her and care about her opinion I don't know if she even cares about me too or not. Am I just one of those 'friends' that she hangs out with even if she doesn't want to? I can't tell her all of this because I'm afraid of how she'll react and what she'll think of me.
I also feel like I'm to clingy and she gets annoyed but doesn't know how to tell me no. But more on that later there's always more where that's concerned.

The second reason is that if it's hot out I always get so sweaty but I can't take my long sleeves off because I don't want her to judge or run away from my scars and cuts.

Bittersweet Song Suggestion: Happiest Years by Jaymes Young

Feel free to judge me, give me advice, share your own story's.