BEFORE THE SNOWDROPS DIED

CHAPTER 1

CHAPTER 1

❦

"Take the soul of a captive body,
Surrender your body back,
Let him think he's free.
And when you start searching for your soul,
Take your body from him,
Let him think you own his whole self."

❄️🌩

26.05.2023. Turkey, Istanbul.

The apocalypse was already over for me.

I lost my soul in that apocalypse.

The body of a person whose soul had died could not survive. My soul was long dead, but my body was not alive.

My eyes were closed, and my screams were silent and anonymous. The more I tried to shout, the more my screams escaped inward. I was sure he could hear my feeble screams and my voice that could not shout, but he preferred to remain silent like everyone else. Maybe he couldn't hear, I don't know.

He couldn't hear my voice that wasn't there anyway.
No one else had heard it.
He wouldn't hear it either.

"Don't cry, please."

I knew he had stopped the car when his pleading voice reached me. He had been silent since he forced me into this car, but now for some reason he started talking. I didn't answer him and continued to sit in silence.

Life had already given me no choice but to sit in silence.

I couldn't shout, scream, talk even if I wanted to, and this man took advantage of that. Even though he knew I couldn't speak, he covered my mouth. He was probably playing it safe. He was an interesting man. I couldn't figure him out.

When I was kidnapped, the only thing I did was to cry silently. I had no other choice. Life had given me no choice anyway.

A week ago I had been held captive by him and I had the opportunity to escape in the morning, but he found me about an hour later.

We had been sitting in the car in silence for a few minutes, my tears had stopped flowing outside, but they were still flowing inside. I was slightly startled when I heard the sound of the car door slamming. I didn't like sudden noises, but I couldn't care about that right now, because the door would open soon and if I was fast enough I could escape alive.

When I heard the sound of the back door opening, no matter how closed my eyes were, I tried to escape to the right side. I started to slide quickly to the right side. But this man had already noticed that I was trying to escape. Because he was clinging to my arms like a tick. He wasn't squeezing my arms, but he wasn't letting go either.

When he sat down next to me, he took one hand off my hand. When I heard the sound of the door closing, I realized that he had closed the door. When I tried to pull my hands away from his, he grabbed my hands tighter again and came closer to me and started to speak in a fast yet calm voice:

"Don't cry, please. I'm not going to hurt you, you know that."

I wished I could shout, talk and scream to my heart's content, but life had denied me even two words. If I could talk now, maybe I would scream and maybe someone would hear me.

My life was full of maybes. Maybees that were impossible to fulfill...

"Now listen to me. I'm going to open your eyes, your mouth and your hands and I'm going to take you outside and you're going to behave, okay?"