Okay, so, maybe pre-drinking before I met with Becca and Kaitlyn wasn't the best idea, I'm twelve times more clumsy
I feel fuzzy though, like a teddy bear
I grabbed onto Kaitlyn and Becca's shoulders as I stumbled and their arms shoot out to steady me "you good?" Kaitlyn asked over the music while Becca laughed at me
I hiccup as I nod, my head flopping dramatically "I'm fucking fabulousseess" I slurred
For sober me, that would be an absolute lie. But drunk me is having a great time.
I've spent most of my time since we got here three hours ago dancing with Kaitlyn and Becca, and drowning myself into a mixture of drinks from whiskey on the rocks along with vodka raspberry, like it was oxygen and I was an asthmatic
I honestly can't remember the last time that I had this much fun, every other time I've come here I had been crippled with anxiety or worry, or even worse- sober
This time however, I don't even know if I can feel my face
Our dancing was mostly flailing limbs and horrible attempts at dance moves that we've seen on the internet, I busted up laughing when I watched Kaitlyn try to attempt the moon walk while Becca tried to do the Renegade.
I didn't tell the girls about what happened tonight, they both noticed the marks on my arm and I had to lie and say that I had walked into something at home, not really ready to deal with the reality of it yet
I just needed to be numb tonight, I don't want to do what I should be doing, I want to do what I want for once
Jonah would be completely irate if he knew that this is where I was, not to mention completely drunk off my ass
Well you know what? Good.
Fuck Jonah
And Fuck Harrison too
Speaking of Harrison, I saw him when the girls and I got here, sitting at some table, surrounded by the exact same group of people that he hung around at that house party. and a woman straddling his lap making it seem like he was getting a performance
To be fair, this place isn't that far from a strip club, I don't know why he didn't just go there instead
I honestly was hoping that I was just hallucinating it at first, that I wasn't actually seeing him, that he wasn't staring straight back at me.
I could've sworn I saw the faintest look of shock on his face, but if it was, the insecurity in me just told me it would be that he was shocked because he didn't really want to see me
The fact I wasn't even hallucinating was kicked straight into my stomach when he just looked away, and pretended I wasn't even there, focusing back on the woman practically dry humping him
All the emotions from the last month went firing through me like a hail storm, and that's when the shots started
I made my own drinking game in my head, every time I thought about Harrison, I take a shot.
I couldn't tell the girls about my game which didn't seem to matter because they were both down to go along with it. I think they were just trying to cheer me up and have fun, and eventually I guess it started working
Even if my current happiness is all particles of liquid alcohol murdering my liver, I'll take it
"Hey, I need to go pee" I shouted over the loud music, while pointing in the direction of the girls restrooms. Both girls nodded "we'll come with you" Becca said over the music causing me to shake my head "no, I can go by myself, you guys stay and have fun" I shouted again before turning around and making my way towards the bathroom through the crowd, stumbling and bumping into people a lot more than usual. Once I made my way through the crowd and into the hallway that lead to the bathroom, placing one hand on the wall to balance myself as I slowly made my way to the bathroom door.
