Our Fleeting Glances

Chapter 5

Pagkatapos ng klase, tumambay kami ni Rios sa bakuran. Gutom na naman itong kasama ko, kaya niyaya niya akong pumunta sa canteen.

"What do you want, my Meera?" tanong niya na may kasamang ngiti.

"Cake and coffee, please," sagot ko, trying to hide the flutter in my chest. His smile had a way of making everything feel lighter.

"Okay, princess," he winked at me before heading to order. Habang hinihintay ko siya, hindi ko maiwasang balikan ang nakita kong eksena sa library—ang pag-iyak niya. Ano kaya talaga ang dahilan? Sino kaya ang dahilan?

"Your cake and coffee, Madame," sabi niya bigla sa harap ko, sabay abot ng order ko.

"Grabe, ang bilis mo naman!" biro ko, pilit itinatago ang bigat ng tanong na nasa isip ko. Tumayo na ako para makaalis kami ng canteen.

"Garden tayo?" tanong ko, naghahanap ng lugar na mas tahimik para makapag-usap.

"Sure," he nodded. Paalis na kami nang may nakita akong pamilyar na mukha, ang magandang blonde na nakita ko sa art exhibit noon. She was the girl who stood beside me while I admired the painting.

Nagtagpo ang mga mata nila ni Rios. Biglang bumigat ang hangin. Tension filled the space between them, and for a moment, it was like I wasn't there. His eyes lingered on her, even as we walked away, as if something was pulling him back to her. My heart tightened at the sight.

"She's pretty," sabi ko, trying to sound casual, though the knot in my stomach was growing. Alam kong may mali, pero hindi ko alam kung paano ito itatanong.

"Yeah, like a fallen angel," he replied, but there was an edge to his voice, something dark. "Pero hindi siya ganyan kabait." He forced a laugh, but it felt hollow, like he was covering something deeper.

I was shocked. Bakit may ganitong reaksyon si Rios? Sino ba siya?

"Joke lang. Mabait siya... she just really hates me," he said, his voice softer, a hint of sadness creeping in.

"Why?" tanong ko, suddenly more curious, my chest tightening further.

He sighed, and I could tell this was something he didn't want to talk about, but at the same time, he needed to.

"Arranged marriage," he admitted, his voice heavy with resignation. Parang bigla akong hindi makahinga. Arranged marriage?

"So... she's your fiancée?" tanong ko nang mahina, as if the words themselves were too sharp to speak.

"Yeah... soon," he confirmed, the sadness in his eyes unmistakable.

"Matutupad ko pa kaya yung kasal namin? Galit siya sa akin." His voice was breaking, like he wasn't sure where this was going anymore.

So all this time... My chest felt like it was collapsing in on itself. I tried to steady my breathing, wrapping my arms around my small bear for comfort.

"Bata pa lang kami, ayoko na talaga sa decision ng mga magulang namin" he continued, his voice distant.. "Pero habang tumatagal, nakilala ko siya at natutunan ko siyang mahalin. Pero may gusto siyang iba, at dahil sa arranged marriage namin, hindi sila matutuloy... Kaya hanggang ngayon... umaasa pa rin ako," kwento niya habang nakatingin sa malayo, ang mga mata niya puno ng pag-asa na baka magbago pa ang lahat.

I listened, my heart sinking with each word. Every confession felt like a blow. I had always been there, right beside him, and yet... I was never the one.

Tahimik akong nakinig, sinisikap pigilan ang luha. All along, he had someone else in his heart.

"Alam mo yung painting na nasa stage last February?" he asked suddenly, shifting the topic. I could tell he was trying to lighten the mood.

"Yeah, I remember. Ang ganda nun!" sabi ko, still holding onto the bear, trying to anchor myself as my world shifted.

"Ako ang gumawa nun. At galit si Shai, ang fiancée ko dahil pinursue ko ang arts para sa kanya," he admitted, laughing softly, but there was no joy in it. Kaya pala ganun ang reaksyon ng babae noon habang nakatingin siya sa painting. She was part of it, part of his hidden world that I was never truly a part of.

Shai. Now I had a name on the face of the girl who held his heart.

"And you, Meera? What's your dream?" tanong niya, bringing the focus back to me, but I barely heard it. My mind was still reeling.

"Doctor siguro? Pero natatakot ako, Rios. Baka hindi ko kayanin," I answered mechanically, my mind still on the blonde girl—Shai.

"Huwag ka nga bumigay sa gitna! Everything will be worth it in the end," he said, his voice firm.

"Besides, gusto kong makita ka bilang doctor someday. Close your eyes, Meera. Imagine it," he encouraged, as if willing me to believe in myself. But my heart was too heavy to dream.

Pumikit ako, at sa isip ko, nakita ko ang sarili kong nakasuot ng puting uniporme, isang ganap na doktora. But even that vision felt distant, like it wasn't really mine.

"Isn't it exciting?" tanong niya. Tumango ako, forcing a smile.

"Ano nga ba ang pangarap mo, Rios?" tanong ko, trying to shift the conversation again. Maybe I could find a crack in his dreams where I still fit.

He shrugged nonchalantly, as if it didn't matter. "I can be anything she wants me to be. Kung gusto niya akong maging piloto, then I'll do it."

My heart broke a little more at his words. "You love her too much," bulong ko, barely able to hear my own voice over the crushing weight of it all.

"Yeah, I love her..." His eyes softened, and for a moment, he looked lost in a memory. But then, the light in his eyes dimmed. "Ang sakit magmahal, 'di ba?"

I couldn't speak. My throat tightened as I hugged my bear tighter.

"Catch!" Bigla kong inihagis sa kanya ang bear ko. Nahuli niya ito at niyakap ng mahigpit, parang huling hibla ng pag-asa.

"Ang cute nito. Akin na lang," nakangiting sabi niya habang hawak-hawak ang bear. Tinangka kong bawiin ito, pero hindi niya binitawan.

"Ano ba, akin 'yan!" sabi ko, inirapan siya.

"Sige na! Ang cute kaya!" nangungulit siyang parang bata.

"No way! Hiramin mo lang 'yan!" sabi ko, medyo nang-aasar na rin. Napakamot siya sa ulo at natawa na lang.

"Sige, pahiram muna... pero ang cute ng bear mo ha," sabi niya habang patuloy niyang yakap-yakap ang bear ko.

As he hugged the bear tightly, I realized something. Rios wasn't mine. He never was. And in that moment, as he held my bear close, I knew. He already had someone else holding his heart.

"Ang daya mo! Ninakaw mo na nga puso ko, pati bear ko gusto mo pa!" pabirong sagot ko, pero may katotohanang nakatago sa mga salita ko.

At sa mga sandaling iyon, alam kong ang binigyan kong lakas ng loob ay hindi lang siya. Kami rin.

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