The Different One

chapter 1

**Authors Note: Ok. This chapter will have a light trigger in it. I will try and keep it as vague as possible, if you don't want to read it just skip the last few paragraphs and go to the authors note. I don't want anyone to feel the urge to harm themselves from my book, so please read this chapter at your own digression.**

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I was sitting in fifth period, science class. It was only the second week of school and I already didn't like my teacher, Mr. Casey. I tried to stay focused but my mind kept wandering off to what I wanted for lunch.

"Paige" I heard someone say. I blinked out of my thoughts and looked up to find the class looking at me and Mr. Casey looking at me with his arms crossed. God why did he have to do this? He always found ways to make me feel and look stupid.

"Y-yes?" I asked looking at him. "Do you know the answer?" He said with a straight face. "yea, uh" I had no clue what the question even was let alone the answer.

"Never mind. How about you Casandra?" He turn and looks at her. Why was she so perfect? Everyone liked her, She always had a boyfriend, always football players too.

I slowly let my mind drift back into deep thought. All my imperfections, everything i hated about myself. Just running like a never ending list in my head.

I'm just fat and ugly. That's why no one likes you. That's why you don't have a boyfriend. I just need to be skinny and then maybe I will fit in.

I just have to stay skinny. My thoughts were interrupted by the bell signalling lunch. I stood up and grabbed my books to leave. "Ms. Evans may I see you at my desk?"

I stopped in my tracks and turned around and thought of every possible way this could go all as I walked to his desk. "yes Mr. Casey?"

"Is something bothering you? Or distracting you? You never seem focused in my class"

yea my home life sucks, I barely sleep, I hate everything about myself and everyone seems to distance themselves from me "I'm fine. I just have a headache"

"Are you sure?" He looks ultimately concerned.

Don't lie, don't lie, he might help. "yea im fine" I fake a smile. He just stares at me for a few seconds then nods, "ok go on to lunch" I nod and walk out then put my head down thinking as I walked to my locker.

"Hey Paige" I heard lizzy say. Lizzy was one of my only close friends left. Everyone else found new friends and new groups in the junior school.

"hey liz" I fake another smile as I close my locker. "Ready to go?"

"yuppers" She says with a giggle. I wish I could be as happy and joyful as her.

Once we get into the cafeteria I grab a salad and a V8 energy drink. A few kids sit at my table, Me, Lizzy, Jessica, and justin. Occasionally a few others but not normally.

Lizzy and Jessica were already sitting down and talking when I sat down.

How lizzy had already gotten there I don't know.

"Hey girly" Lizzy says smiling and beaming like always. She was always the happy, look at the bright side kind of person.

I smile and sit down. "hey girl" Jessica is smiling and watching before she speaks to break a silence I felt thickening. "so, um, I heard what happened in Casey"s class." She says a worried looking shadowing her face.

I sat there and looked at her then nods and puts another smiles onto my cheeks, "oh yea i just got lost in thought." I giggle hoping they would just leave it at that.

Lizzy nods and looks at Jessica then back to me a worried look now on her face. Wonderful. "you sure nothings wrong?" I look at her and nod "yea I just have a headache"

I knew she didn't believe me, I could see it in her face.

A few minutes later Justin sat down and broke the silence that had formed once again as I pushed my food around.

I sat on my bed, my headphones on and pandora playing on a different tab on my laptop as I texted jessica and Matthew's. His real name was joshua but I called him by his last name.

I heard the apartment door open then close. mom was home.

I took my headphones off and jumped off my bunk bed. I loved my mother, she was so strong and and always kept a happy face.

I ran to the kitchen and hugged her. "hey mommy" I said squeezing her.

She just laughs and turns around. "Well hi" She giggles a little, what I would do to giggle. "How was school?"

Terrible, I never wanna go back, I got humiliated in front of my whole class, I didn't eat lunch, I got shoved into my locker three times and my books knocked out of my hands purposely four times. " nothing really, just school" I smile and look up at her a little bit.

"Thats always fun. You hungry baby girl?" she says turning to look in the cabinets that had hardly nothing in them.

"Not really I ate a bologna sandwich when I got home from school."

lies.

I sat in my beds my headphones loud trying to tune out their fighting. The apartment walls were too thin and there was a little vent from the living room to our room. So it didn't do much.

I sat there thinking, about everything as it started to get hard to breath and my eyes started getting watery.

You got it for a reason. You know they won't stop. Dad won't ever stop her from doing drugs, she's the reason she died. Mom is right she doesn't deserve her.

I started crying harder but stayed silent so my littler sister wouldn't hear me, who was in the bunk under me.

I slid my hand between my matress and the railing on my bed and grasped the scissors I had kept there.

Do it. It'll help. They told u not to but you know it will help and you know it will feel better.

Before I realized it I had the blade on my skin. I ran it over my skin a few times. It being a dull blade just scratching the surface.

I went over the same spots a few times to make them red and irritated while I silently cried my parents arguing in the background.

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sorry it took longer than I expected to get the chapter up. But it's a little over 5 google doc pages long so I hope that that makes up for it.

Intense ending I know. For those of you who didn't feel comfortable with the ending don't worry, you didn't miss much and I'll vaguely recap in the next chapter, as I said before.

Thanks my lovelys hope you are liking it so far - Maddy