"You drew stars around my scars, but now I'm bleeding..."
Gaia Ashmore has lived under the radar of her strict mother all her life. Every aspect of her life - from her fashion sense to her career - is controlled by her mother. And even when Gaia mov...
"Slow down, you crazy child, you're so ambitious for a juvenile, but then if you're so smart, tell me why are still so afraid?" — Vienna, Billy Joel
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After my fallout with Ilkay, I spent the next two days with Jane, who was most-forgiving after I cleared everything with her. We talked, laughed, watched some shows together and even invited Alice and Misbah over for an evening to host girls' night. It was different from anything I'd ever experienced - real girl friends, real jokes and laughter and some of my favourite memories in our dorm. We'd ordered food and wore skincare face masks; it was a nice distraction from my worries.
But on Tuesday afternoon, I decided to clear everything out for my travels. I made my bed, packed my bags - my suitcase, my carry-on and my handbag. I'd turned some music on whilst I cleaned my room, and when I tidied everything from top to bottom, it was already night time. I video-called my mother, who confirmed everything in my bags, and then I slept late that night, going over all my lecture notes, making progress on pending assignments and aimlessly scrolling through my phone as I laid in bed, rotting away with no new messages or notifications. Yes, my life was pretty boring.
Wednesday flew by in a breeze too; I didn't do much since most of my things were tucked away in my bags. I ate in the university's dining hall with Jane and then went over plans in my head. Like, what I was going to say to my mother if she asked about medicine, how I was going to act after not seeing my family in over three months now.
Then, at half past nine, I took all my belongings, bid my goodbyes to Jane, who was leaving for Malaysia a few days after, and hailed a taxi to take me to the railway station. My train left at 10 pm on Wednesday, and I'd arrive in Carlisle at 5 am on Thursday morning.
Oxford station, being overly crowded now that it was close to Christmas time, gave me social anxiety just making it to the ticket register. There wasn't enough space to step on the ground without the risk of my toes crunching under someone else's foot. I was pushed around and given sneers for pushing others accidentally while trying to navigate my way through the train to my seat.
But somehow, I made it to my seat miraculously without any minor injuries. The train inside wasn't as cold as it was outside, biting and sharp, nipping at my fingers had it not been for my grey gloves. I wore the thickest black sweater with a white turtleneck underneath - still feeling slightly cold even with all these layers. I dragged my bag to my seat, pushing my suitcase in front of me as I walked towards the luggage rack at the end of the carriage and kept it there.
I shoved my carry-on bag in the overhead rack above my seat and sat down with my backpack on my lap, pulling out my phone and continuing the book I was reading before after realising I still had some time to kill before the train would start its journey.
