Incorrect quotes

just some random ones with me or Y/N and keith ig

Keith: Do you want to explain the text you sent me last night?
Me: It was autocorrect.
Keith: Autocorrect wrote "You're so hot. Please step on me."?
Me: Yes.

Me: I don't know how to tell you this, but... I love you.
Keith: That's great, Tessa. Especially considering the fact we've been married for 6 flipping years.

Y/N: I like your new pants!
Keith: Thanks, they were 50% off!
Y/N: I’d like them better if they were 100% off. *winks*
Keith: The store can’t just give away clothes for free.
Y/N: Thats’s… not what I meant.
Keith: That’s a terrible way to run a business, Y/N.

Y/N: You look good in that hoodie.
Keith: You know where else I'd look good?
Y/N, zero hesitation: My bed.
Keith, at the same time: By your side- wait, what?

Y/N: *angrily presses Keith against a wall* WHERE'S THE MONEY?!
Keith: ...
Keith: Are we about to kiss-

Y/N: So... what would you do if you were in bed with me?
Keith: Depends. Is your bed comfortable?
Y/N: Yes.
Keith: I'd sleep.

Keith: What do you want to be for Halloween?
Y/N: Yours.
Keith:
Keith: …yeah, that would be pretty scary.

Me: I’d kill someone if you asked me to.
Keith: I’m pretty sure you’d kill someone even if I didn’t ask you to.

Y/N: Relationships should be 50/50. Keith cooks us dinner while I sit on the kitchen counter looking pretty.

Y/N: Name something you believed in as a child that you no longer do as an adult.
Keith: Myself.

Y/N: I feel like doing something stupid.
Keith: I’m stupid, do me.

Y/N: look Keith, I'm not slut shaming you but...
Y/N: Actually yeah, I'm TOTALLY slut shaming you.

Y/N (male): Look at me straight in the eyes and tell me the truth, Keith!
Keith: You can’t expect me to look into your eyes and be straight.

Keith, trying to flirt with Y/N: I think both of our families suck.

Keith, talking about Y/N: WHAT THE FRICK I WAS ARGUING WITH THEM AND I SAID “OOH YOU WANNA KISS ME SO BAD” AND GUESS WHAT? THEY DID. THEY KISSED ME. WHAT THE FLIP WHAT DO I DO.