close enough, lynn loud

13, resolve

You thought about it, you really did.

When Kiley left the roof last night to get another drink, you were thankful. It gave you time to process. She said it herself; in short, she wanted to fake date to piss Lynn off.

If you were being honest with yourself, your first reaction was defensiveness. Playing with Lynn like that? like she was the butt of the joke?

Your first instinct was to cuss Kiley out for even suggesting such a thing, but then you thought, thought, and thought and then thought some more. You caught yourself again. You catch yourself defending her, taking Lynn's side again.

No one could blame you for doing so; she was your ride or die. The girl that's supported you for years on end. The girl that was there for you when no one was. Of course you were biased.

Then, a pang of irritation hit you.

Why were you killing yourself trying to protect Lynn? You've based so many of your decisions on her, trying to be in her favor, trying to cater yourself to her. Why couldn't you date Kiley?

You were breaking yourself, trying to get the girl you loved to love you back. You know deep down you'll never truly get over her; you may never do so, but for now, you wanted to do something for yourself. One that she can't control and one that she'll definitely disapprove of.

You don't know how much time has passed and Kiley hasn't come back. You watch as the waves crash over the sea; each one has its moment to build up before eventually folding into the same blue sea, back where it came from. Like it never existed in the first place.

Another wave replaces the former, and it's a cyclical repetition. You can't hear the waves crash and go, and as much as you wish you did, it was quite numbing to simply watch. It made you take the time to appreciate it.

Left alone on the roof, it's gotten colder. You hug your own arms in an attempt to comfort yourself. Despite the cold, despite the solitude—for once, you finally feel sure about what to do with your longing.

You hear shuffling from the window to Owens' room. You expect blond hair to offer you another can of soda; instead, you're met with familiar green eyes and brunette hair. She's panting, looking at you like you've personally offended her.

You welcome her with a weak but fulfilled smile.

You've made up your mind.

You would move on from Lynn Loud.

-

When Lynn is forced to ask for a ride with you to school because Lana and Lola had to come to school early for a project, she inwardly groans. She would have to come to you this morning and ask for a favor to drive the three of them to school.

With her mom oblivious to the ongoing grudge she has against you, Rita Loud didn't think twice about asking your mom for a ride. What use was all the ignoring she did when she was the one that would make the first move in the end anyway?

This was taking a huge toll on her pride.

"I already told Mrs. (L/N) the three of you would ride with (Y/N) for school," Rita Loud said as she packed her bag, getting ready for work.

Lola and Lana, on the other hand, were bickering over who would get to sit shotgun in your car from beside her.

Lynn separates the twins, a hand on each of their shoulders. "What makes any of you think you get to sit next to (Y/N)?!" She quickly realizes she just set herself up, sitting next to you.

"But you're always hogging (Y/N)!" Lana shouts from her left, Lola nodding her head to her right.

Lynn makes a disgusted face at this. "I don't hog her. She's my friend."

"Okay, possessive much?" Lola rolls her eyes, crossing her arms all the while, to which Lana snorts.

Lynn lets both of them go, marching towards the front door, "I'm going!"

Both Lana and Lola make a beeline to follow Lynn out the door. As the three of them make their way to their next-door neighbor, Lynn is grateful your car is already running with you waiting inside. She could ignore you; all she had to do was keep her mouth shut and avoid looking at the presence beside her.

Her plan is quickly spoiled when Lana from the backseat says, "Ms. Cranky-pants over here wanted to sit next to you, (Y/N). I wanted to be nice and let her have it since I'm such a good sibling."

It's beyond Lynn how every one of her siblings always try so hard to suck up to you. Lynn is absolutely fuming from the passenger seat; she suppresses the urge to whip her head to Lana to avoid getting a glimpse of you.

Lynn's arms are crossed, and her body is facing the window, but she can still feel your presence from beside her. She hears you chuckle at Lana's words.

"Is that so?" She didn't need to see your expression when she could sense the smugness practically dripping from your tone.

Lynn reaches in to plug her phone into the stereo, but Lola thrusts her phone at her, whining about if she could play music instead.

"Leave it! You're not getting the aux!" Lynn slaps Lola's hand that was holding out her phone. You try to hide the laugh you almost let out.

"Why is she so mean, (Y/N)?!" Lola cries from the backseat, and Lana lets out a loud cackle.

You dramatically sigh, "Beats me, Lola." You shake your head at the jock, to which she glares at you.

Dammit! She just looked at you. After instantly failing at ignoring you the whole ride, she quickly goes back to facing the window.

Her annoyance is short-lived when she hears Lola bounce back from her earlier dismay and ask you something. "(Y/N)! We have the slumber party at your house this weekend, right?"

Lynn sees Lana and Lola peek from behind the drivers seat from the reflection on the window. Lana says something about wearing her frog onesie while Lola chimes in about wearing her brand new pink silk pajamas.

Lynn had forgotten about the annual slumber party that you and the Loud siblings would have. Your parents and hers, with being close friends, had a yearly gathering with a couple other of their mutual friends back from college.

Your mom was the one that suggested the idea a few years ago, and it's become an annual tradition.

Of course, with a household of eleven kids with no one to keep watch, your parents offered to host the slumber party at your house so you and your sister wouldn't be alone at home with no guardians around. It made for a great bonding activity, and it's always been one of the things she's looked forward to every year. It was also one of the things that made you and Lynn grow closer together.

The Loud's would all sleep in either your guest room or the living room, but Lynn always slept next to you on your bed. They would pick and fight about who got to sleep in your bed, but Lynn always reigned victorious. It was a no-brainer, especially because she sleeps over every other night anyway.

"Oh, yeah!" you agree from the driver's seat. "That's this week already?"

She watches the side of your face in the reflection of her window. You have one hand on the steering wheel and a small smile on your face.

Lynn watches the cars pass by as your playlist sounds in the background. She didn't even realize she clicked on it; it was just her body doing what it was used to.

The drive to school is uneventful after that. The two of you drop Lana and Lola at Royal Woods middle school, leaving just the two of you. Thank goodness she plugged in her phone to play music; she can't imagine the awkward silence that would envelop the car if she hadn't.

When you park in your usual spot, she doesn't even give you the chance to say another word when she opens the car door handle and leaves.

-

"No. Actual. Way." Cory's face is contorted in the most baffled expression you've ever seen her make. Alice from beside her has her arms crossed and her gaze averted.

They're the first and only people you've told about Kiley asking you out on a date.

Cory is obviously surprised; her girlfriend, on the other hand, is visibly irritated. You expected her to get mad at you for agreeing to the date, and you were ready to brace for the worst, but you didn't expect to feel a little ashamed at the fact.

She did warn you, and you did understand her point. But now, with your resolve firm and decided, there's no way you'll back out.

You don't mind getting rejected or dumped by Kiley, it's not like you liked her. It's just a date. You don't have to be in love with someone to go on a date, right?

You nudge Alice's arm in an attempt to get her to notice you. She simply ignores you and faces the opposite way.

Cory sighs and gives you a placating look, but all you reply with is a resigned sigh. "I'm sorry, Alice. I mean it. You know it better than anyone else that I won't fall for her."

Alice whips her head to you, finally looking at you, although glaring. "That's what they all say. Don't come crying to me when you get hurt."

No chance. You suppressed the snort that you almost let out. In no world would you cry about Kiley Kennedy. Not if Lynn Loud existed in it.

"I won't, promise," you reassure her. Despite her cold tone, you know she's only saying it because she cares about you.

She reaches out her pinky, "Pinky promise?"

When you only smile at her, she prods her waiting hand at you again. The gesture warms your heart. You reach out your own pinky finger, reciprocating the hold and latching your pinkies together.

It was currently lunch time, and the three of you opted to eat outside. Well, you suggested eating outside. Lynn was probably in the cafeteria eating with her teammates. It was rare for the two of you not to be eating together. But lo and behold, her grudge was really holding up.

Alice was sitting next to Cory, and you were sitting on the other side of her. The two were leaning against each other, in their own little world while you ate your sandwich next to them. Another reason why you and Lynn ate together a lot is because, more often than not, you felt like you were third wheeling with Alice and Cory.

You love them, of course. But even now, the PDA was driving you insane. Maybe I should've sat across from them...

As you finish up your sandwich, you hear loud chattering, seemingly belonging to a group of girls. And, oh, wait. You know that voice.

It's the girl's football team.

As they walk by, all loud laughs and camaraderie, a certain brunette walks past without acknowledging you. Hands in her pockets and stride as confident as always.

You try to shrug it off, but then you realize Kiley's not in their circle.