Is This What forever Looks Like?

The Final Step

(Who forget this was even in their library? Ok so I haven't written for this story in 5 months soooooooo I'm finishing it now for anyone who wanted an ending)
Troye's POV-
Online classes turned out to take all of Tyler's time anyway, but sometimes I would just sit in the room with him while he worked and watch him focus and bite his lip in concentration. The little time we had was spent talking about anything and everything. Tyler turned out to be even more interesting than I could ever hope for. We talked about him most of the time since the world already knew my story and I didn't mind a single bit, even after hours of listening to nostalgic recallings of holidays and birthdays. I hung onto every word, soaking up the details of a simple Midwestern life.
After my tour ended that summer, Tyler doubled his work and finished his semester early. Although by the end of it all, he only wanted to sleep for a few days afterward. However, I eventually convinced him to come with me to a remote island for a getaway. It only took a week to convince him to go.
That week we grew more intimate than I had ever been with any other person before. We never slept together that week, Tyler wanted to take things slow. He was like that. He was the anchor to my hurricane. I needed an anchor though because that week was magic. I had never held hands with someone and not had a single care on my mind before. I had never been told I was beautiful while a kiss was dusted over both my cheeks before. I had never smiled so fully and truly before. I'll never forget the night Tyler was running his hand through my hair as I lay my head in his lap and he leaned over to look me in the eye and he said something I'll always remember.
"You're so beautiful when you smile because you want to, I want to give you more reason to want to," Tyler had whispered, lifting my head to his to kiss me softly.
When I came back from my getaway with Tyler, I was a new person. Tyler had cleansed me.
Then it all fall apart with no warning.
I woke up on a sticky leather couch with no idea where I was. I tried to stand but my head was spinning and I collapsed back onto the couch. Slowly things started coming back to me, almost like the sun just starting to rise brought memory with it.
"Troye?! Troye what are you doing?!Stop!"
It was Tyler who was screaming. But why?
I looked down at the pills in my hand then to Tyler before tossing them down dry.
"You idiot! You said you were going to quit!"
I push past him, ignoring his hand on my chest.
"Troye mellet don't you dare leave this like that! I trusted you!"
I floated deeper inside the masses of sweaty bodies and blaring music. Tyler's screams were nothing compared to the soaring feeling I was already experiencing.
I rub my forehead, groaning. Tyler. I have to Find Tyler.
I make my way through the messy penthouse, stepping over passed out people. I make my way to the balcony. I welcome the fresh air and prop my elbows on the rail, trying to remember where Tyler went after that. I saw him leave the hotel, I remember following him.
"Come on, Tyler! It's not doing me any harm!" I shout after Tyler as he storms down the street. He stops cold and turns on his heel, stomping back towards me. He gets really close to my face, pointing a finger at my chest.
"Don't you dare say that to me! Don't you dare! You're not the one who has to deal with the aftermath! So don't you dare say that to me, Troye!" Tyler screams, catching the attention of a few people nearby.
"Fuck you, I'm done trying to save someone who doesn't want any help, I'm done with whatever this is too," Tyler seethes, backing away as he says it.
I didn't even think about following him.
I groan as it all comes back, the wind whipping my shirt on the balcony high above the city. I feel a vibration in my pocket and rummage around for my phone. I answer without even checking caller ID.
"Troye, we've talked about this. Have you seen the news," Cody angrily whispers and I slouch down onto the pavement.
"No."
"An excerpt 'famous Pop singer, Troye Sivan, spotted supposedly high at a New York City penthouse party. Pop star, Troye, seen arguing with recently acquainted Tyler Oakley before Tyler is seen allegedly breaking up with Troye,' What the fuck is this, Troye. I thought you had it under control."
"I know, I'm sorry, Cody. I'll fix it," I whisper back and hang up. I look at my screen and see a text from Tyler. I open it and realize it's from before the party and everything. I fold my hands over head and tuck my head in between my knees, willing myself not to scream. I dig in my pocket until I find a Baggie. Something white and partially crushed form sleeping on. One. Two. Three go down dry and I lean my head back against the balcony rails. I hear cars below stuck in early morning traffic. The sun is just starting to rise, and the day is only starting. Slowly, voices mix with the sound of cars on wet pavement. Jason, my old manager, all the people who have openly made me feel like shit. All their hateful remarks flooding my mind at once, mixing with the pain the pills I swallowed are starting to cause, settling at the bottom of my stomach like a dead weight. I begin to think they're right. Druggie, worthless, unappealing, weak, sounds like a perfect description of the person I am today. They are right. I've made too many mistakes and I've not done nearly enough to make up for it. I can do one more thing right, I owe that much to everyone around me. I hit Tyler on my contact list and pull the phone to my ear slowly. Nobody answers. The bell tones for voicemail and I search for words.
"I'm sorry, Tyler. What I did was wrong. I know that. I'm really sorry for all of this. For everything. Finish college, live a good life, okay. I'll miss you. I'm so sorry," I cry out, In tears by the end of the voicemail. I drop my phone on the ground, my hands shaking. I rock myself softly, wanting to scream but all that comes out is strangled sobs. I make a short video on my phone leaving it in the camera roll.
I see Tyler calling me back but I don't have the strength or will to answer. I pull myself up onto the balcony and swing my legs over the edge. The wind whips my face and my stomach drops when I look down. I can't say I'm not afraid. I take a deep breath and stand up, letting out a short sob as I grab the roofing above me for support.
"Make peace with your gods, boy" Jason had told me once with a gun pointed at my head. He was high and I was drunk and it wasn't even anything new.
Those words stick out in my mind and I close my eyes to plea to anything out there. I take one more deep breath and I have one foot over the edge when I hear a frightened gasp behind me.
Tyler's POV-
I was in the lobby when Troye called. I was coming back to apologize for being so harsh and getting his face all over mainstream news. I couldn't find the lack of pride to answer his call though. I did Listen to the voicemail as I was waiting for the elevator. That had me running down the halls to his room. A hungover girl was leaving as I was coming and I caught the door before it locked me out. I saw the open balcony doors and ran over, nearly tripping in my rush. I skidded to a halt outside and gasped. Troye was on the balcony ledge, looking up to the sky. He turned around after I gasped and smiled sadly at me.
"You're right Tyler, I didn't want to be saved. Not really."
And then he stepped off, the last step he ever took. And I can't remember stumbling to the ledge that well all the times I try to talk to therapists about it but it haunts my dreams vivid and real. Tragically real. I screamed after him but he was already gone and I couldn't bare to look at the sidewalk below. I was too late. I stayed at that balcony screaming up to the sky until police officers came to take me away and question me. It wasn't on the news until a few days later but after that it didn't really leave for months and months. I couldn't go outside without being reminded. I can't look in a mirror without feeling a fire in my stomach. I should have been quicker. I should have never left until he first place. I should have been there and I should have known. He was always reckless and spontaneous. He was a hurricane. I was lucky to stand so close and make it out alive. But now I'm not even sure about that. I don't want to live but then again I wouldn't call this living. I haven't seen the sun in days and I can't remember the last human u saw face to face. I can't live like this but I can't die like this either. I don't want to live but I don't want to die and I'm still trying to figure that paradox out. I guess just like a hurricane, when it's over, you're glad you're still alive but you look around and everything you were living for isn't the same and you think you'll never recover because it all seems so broken at the time. Well, I'm in the aftermath and Troye was my hurricane.

I put it all out for you, everything on the line. You didn't even say goodbye. I wanted to be your anchor. I miss the storm, Troye. I miss you.

I miss my beautifully disastrous hurricane.
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A/n: WELL YOU KNOW ME, CANT HAVE A STORY WITH A HAPPY ENDING. This was sad and rushed and I wrote it on my phone at 1am but it's done. I finished the book. I might do an epilogue if anyone wants that? Thankyou for sticking with me this whole time and I'm really sorry I rushed it :( I just didn't know how to go anywhere with this story anymore...
- Mackenzie