Magic of the Four

Walls of Grey

Niki

Dear Diary,

How do I start this? By the name of Verena, I don't understand what's wrong with me, why is it so hard to just make friends, today a genuinely nice girl, from the looks of her, not one of the try-too-hard fake hoes, approached me with her hand freaking extended, yet I had to shrug her off, jeez!

I literally have no one in my life right now, I hate having to put up this face of firm cement walls instead of the lonely confused faery that I am.

I looked in the mirror today, and I certainly did not like what I saw, sure I still look the same as ever, my cropped black hair framing my thin pale face, the wide and ever so serious chocolate brown eyes that bored right back at me and my small lips that always looked like I had applied pale pink lipstck on.

What I didn't like, was the invisible broken girl standing next to me, always following me around creating this atrocious behaviour of mine.

I've been blaming people for everything, getting worked up over the tiniest of things, losing people in my life slowly one by one, stirring up drama for everybody, upsetting the people I cared about, lying and so much more to list that it hurts my head, I ask myself why do I do this, where has the fun me gone to?

Oh diary I'm so grateful you take my shits without complaining about it, of course not like you have a choice though, sorry about that.

Wish me best of luck in my new school, but there's probably no need to, every piece of luck that flows my way, I just sort of trash it without even realizing, oh did I mention that I was able to pass the test to enter the FIVE FAE ELEMENTS INSTITUTION?! Yep, defo a new record for me.

Yay for fucking me

Ttyl Diary 

Niki xoxox 

PS: I really need to start giving you a name instead of just Diary, it's getting kinda lame. 

Niki slammed her diary shut and couldn't help but acknowledge the words that hung in the air that she failed to write in her diary, probably because even the diary knew there was no point writing down the grief of her past, the part where her whole life changed and she became someone no one recognized, someone she herself didn't recognize, at one point in life she took drugs just to overcome the problems building up in her life, too bad items of the mundane world had no effect whatsoever on faeries or any other supernatural creature.

She swallowed what seemed like a huge chunk of something in her throat as she recalled the time when her parents threw her out on her seventh birthday when she changed into this winged monstrosity that surely was not their daughter, for days she wondered around the street with tears streaking down her face and soaking her thin sweater that she wore, everywhere she went people stared, she ended up wondering into the rougher part of town, the people would abuse her and use her for their own entertainment purpose like putting her on top of a bar and tearing bits off her wings, she was helpless and wished only for death to come quick and swift whether it was a bullet through the brain, a dagger through her head, she didn't care, for what she knew, life was nothing anymore.

It was until that one day when a bar customer got extremely drunk he shoved a glass shard through her heart only to find that the strange winged creature nor bled nor screamed, this also was the first time Niki saw fire, fire in her eyes, fire in her soul, fire in her world, control over fire itself, she burst into a brilliant blue flame and rose above the stumbling drunken fools below, she felt as if she was finding her self once again like she was coming home as faery dust burst from her body and sprinkled over the people below, putting them all to deep sleep, she landed back on the ground, her thin, worn out sweater, stained green sweatpants and ripped flip flops were back to brand new, she found an inner piece within herself and decided to live life.