Set Fire To The Rain

Confidant

Finally, Noe hung up the phone.

"So what was that about?" I asked him.

"It's work stuff," Noe dismissed the topic, turning back to his boiling broccoli water. "We agreed. No work talk for a week, remember?"

"But this is different," I insisted. "I see it all over your face. Something happened on that call. What are you not telling me?"

"Nothing," he snapped. "Just drop it, Cass."

"Don't talk to me like I'm one of 'the guys' in your firehouse," I said. "I'm your wife. I have the right to know if you're ok. Did something happen?"

He swallowed hard, realizing that he was already on eggshells about the camera, and softened his tone. "Let's just keep having a nice, quiet night to ourselves. Alright, sweetheart? Just like we planned. That's all I want right now. You and me. Fuck what's happening in New York."

And this time, the pet name didn't give me butterflies.

It made me feel a little sickened by it's Charlie-esque delivery, because he was lying.

I knew he was.

Something was bugging him, and instead of letting me help him, he was shutting me out.

We'd been here before.

That 180 he does on me, switching in a heartbeat from the warm, affectionate, and honest husband I loved, into his stoic, objective, robot firefighter role, like I was just "another call" for him to resolve and get through in the moment.

The whole point of this so-called second honeymoon was to set fire to old habits.

Build the trust.

No more shutting each other out.

No more dodging the important questions.

No more secrets.

Heh...we were off to a great start.

And knowing that I was only getting more frustrated trying to get the full story out of him, I gave in to the compromise.

Because I knew getting worked up here was the last thing I needed.

When I got worked up...I started thinking about impulsive things...like how a little pick-me-up might take the edge off for me.

Just a little quick one, and then I'd blow it right out.

Noe had packed us some cherry-violet scented candles for later tonight, which meant me having a lighter or two on hand wouldn't raise questions.

I could wait until he got in the shower, go for a walk out of view from our cabin, and put a mini pyre of twigs and pine needles together.

Five minutes to get a quick high, and then I'd snuff it out with dirt and gravel.

It's all I needed.

Because at the end of the day, I didn't come here for a fight.

I really did just want a nice night together, and one fire would help me be calm again to do that.

"Ok," I told Noe. "You're not ready to talk to me now about it. Fine. I'm here if you need me. I think you should get some rest. I'll finish dinner."

I turned to the kitchen sink to start washing the broccoli for him, trying to distract myself from the temptation of addendums that I'd quickly regret.

Feeling the tension of Noe's own remorse as he studied me from the stove.

No, please don't start feeling guilty now.