"وصل"

💫Chapter#10💫

دل کے دروازے پہ پھر سے تیری دستک مانگوں

تجھ سے ھی پھر اپنی پھلی سی محبت مانگوں

P

arishay's P.O.V:

As soon as I started reading that journal, my mind stopped working. No, no, no, no. This was so not happening. All this time I have been blaming him like a fool. Not even knowing why he left that abruptly. Not understanding any other thing. Just being selfish as usual.

He never left me! He didn't hate me! It was not that he didn't want to marry me. He was waiting for the right time. He didn't want anyone to snatch my childhood from me.

All this time, I thought he was having a nice life. Meanwhile, he went through a big accident which left him on bed for months.

He was still persistent on making his business work and didn't back down even after the huge loss he faced and how some people deceived him.

Yet, here I was, I thought he was disgusted by the idea of marrying me. I thought he never liked listening to me. I thought I was just wasting his time like I do with others.

Oh parishay.....what have you done? Why did you do this? I treated him so badly. Avoided him, didn't treat him right, never listened to him. Heck, I never even gave him a chance to prove himself. Never asked him where he was all these years, what he did in those years. Nothing.

My chest squeezed so badly that I thought I would die from the pressure itself. The guilt was finally getting to me. My mind was finally joining all the dots together. I shouldn't have treated him that way. I should've spent nice time with him when I got married.

The first and foremost, I should've forgotten all about the past! It was me. All me. All along I was the one at fault. Not those bullies, not someone else and especially not him.

Oh parishay, why? I felt like my mind would burst with this pain and I couldn't help the tears that fell from my eyes.

I hiccupped. All these years, I have been blaming him when it should've been me who was to be blamed. I was so ashamed of the fact that I didn't stand up against them that I put all that anger and blame on him.

I was so blinded by the rage and him leaving that I put the blame on him. What did I do? Why am I always like this? Always making mistakes! When will I grow up?

Unable to handle it anymore, I took my phone and through the blurry vision, tried texting my friend. Knowing she is the only one who could help me right now.

"Shut up, parishay! Will you trouble her now? She is already tense because of her computer issues. Stop troubling everyone around you" a voice I knew so well whispered in my head. Full of hatred, full of disgust. I put the phone beside me and screamed into my hands.

I knew a panic attack was building inside me. I could feel it coming. Stronger than ever. This one would definitely destroy me. It will tear me apart. The pressure on my chest increased significantly, my head was bursting with pain and I couldn't breathe.

"Ya Allah.... save me. په ما رحم وکړه" I muttered, wheeping to put an end to all of this.

(Please have mercy on me)

The pain started getting too much and I knew I wouldn't be able to control myself so I didn't take a risk. I managed to make myself comfortable by leaning on the wall, my arms around my knees which were pulled up.