I took a shaky breath, feeling that pit in my stomach growing heavier with each second that passed. My hand hovered over the doorbell, fingers trembling, but I couldn't let myself pull back. Mariah's presence just behind me, even if she couldn't see my face, made me feel both steadied and exposed. There was no running away this time.
I closed my eyes, reminding myself of why I was here, of why I needed to do this. I wasn't just doing it for me, I was doing it for us. If I couldn't face my mother with the truth, I knew it would eat away at everything Mariah and I had built together.
Finally, I pressed the doorbell, hearing the chime echo inside. My heartbeat felt loud in my ears, drowning out everything else. I braced myself, steeling against the wave of emotions that threatened to take over. There was no turning back now; I was standing in the doorway to my truth, hoping it would be enough to hold steady, no matter what waited on the other side.
I closed my eyes, mentally grasping at escape plans. I could run back to the car, tell Mariah that no one was home, and leave it at that. I could avoid this entire conversation, keep everything the way it was, safe and hidden.
But then, the sound of the door slowly opening yanked me out of my thoughts. My heart started pounding, my hands shaking uncontrollably as I opened my eyes and met my mother's gaze.
She looked so genuinely happy to see me. I'd told her I was coming to visit, but we had agreed on later in the day. Her face lit up in surprise, eyes softening like I was her long-awaited answer to a prayer.
I could still hear Rebbie's voice from our call that morning, her words digging deep into my heart. "I know that woman was more than just a friend, Janet. The devil is a liar, you have to tell mother. It's the only way to cast this demon off of you. If you don't tell her, I will. Let us help you, Janet." She sounded so worried, so certain that this was the right thing to do, the only way to save me.
But standing here, feeling my mother's warmth and joy, I was terrified of the outcome. I felt like I was about to shatter her happiness with the truth I carried inside me.
Her smile grew wider, her arms reaching out to pull me into a hug. I hesitated for a heartbeat, then let her embrace me, sinking into that familiar warmth, that unbreakable bond. She held me as though I was still her little girl, safe and beloved.
But how safe would I be, really, once she knew?
Seeing her smile so warmly, my heart clenched. She looked at me like I was still her little girl, the one she'd always protected and guided. And in that moment, I wished I could stay in her embrace forever, safe from the truth that was about to change everything.
"Janet," she said softly, pulling away. "Come in, baby." She guided me into the house, her hand on my back, comforting yet firm. The familiar smell of her cooking lingered in the air, filling me with memories of family dinners and holidays. But today, it felt different—thicker somehow, heavier.
"Mother..." I began, my voice shaky.
"You're here earlier than I expected you," she said with a gentle smile, though her tone held a hint of curiosity.
I glanced back at the door, knowing Mariah was right outside, waiting for me, just a heartbeat away.
"Come on, let me make you some tea," she said, as if to ease the tension. She moved toward the kitchen with her usual grace, gliding under the archway that led deeper into her warm home. The space was filled with familiar colors, soft beiges and browns, a glass coffee table with a golden frame, and a vase of pink and purple flowers sitting proudly on top. The sight of them grounded me, anchoring me in the midst of my swirling thoughts.
