Taking A Chance On Love || m.t.✔️

二十一 Golden Hour Reflections

By the time my parents came home hours later, Mark and I had talked through everything and had once more become almost inseparable. So much, in fact, that he even insisted playfully on sharing my plate when dinner time came, to the amusement of my parents.

Later when I had seen him off to bed early so he could sleep off some of his jet lag, I tiptoed downstairs to find my parents still awake.

"Mom, Dad?" I called out, stepping on the last stair before padding into the living room.

My parents looked up at my entrance, matching smiles on their faces. At that moment, I suddenly realized that my parents had new wrinkles and grey hairs I hadn't seen before. My heart constricted painfully as a lump formed in my throat. Noticing my change in expression, my dad scooted over on the couch and patted the empty space between him and my mom. Pouting slightly, I quickened my pace and sat down next to him, embracing him tightly as my mom patted my back in comfort. I didn't know where to begin, but knowing I was soon leaving again made this moment more precious than before. I clasped each of their hands in mine, relishing the silence before speaking.

"I know you said not to thank you, so I won't," I began. "What I will say is I love you guys. So, so much. You two showed me what love looks like growing up, and even when I made a mistake and ran back here, you still showed me nothing but love. So...I love you guys, and I'll miss you," I said, my voice cracking at the end.

I felt my hands being gently squeezed before my mom and dad shared a look, breaking into light laughter a moment later. Bewildered, I looked up.

"We're not laughing at you, I promise," my mom said with a chuckle. "We know what you want to say and we love you too."

"But it's awfully bold of you to assume you're getting rid of us that easily," my dad said with a grin. "We're going to visit you so often that you'll get sick of us soon enough."

I laughed in sudden understanding. Of course, my usually unserious parents would try to crack a joke at least once a day. I smiled in contentment, realising just how loved I really was. I didn't realize it when I was in Korea dealing with the aftermath of events, but here and now, I could feel the love of my whole family, even that of my sleeping husband.

"Always remember how loved you are, even when you don't feel it," I told myself resolutely. I would try to no longer focus on the situation, but rather on the people around me.

𓆩♡𓆪

The next day, Mark and I decided to leave the house before dawn. We got dressed in matching couple clothing, Mark wearing a white polo shirt with the front tucked into black jeans, while I wore a white off-shoulder shirt, the front also tucked into my black pleated skirt. We kept it simple due to our plan for the day.

The first thing we did was go to a grassy hill in a secluded park, sitting on a picnic blanket as we waited for the sun to rise. Although we had packed some food, it remained untouched for the moment. We picked this spot and this time because we knew we wouldn't be disturbed as we quietly mourned the loss of our daughter. In South Korea, we had pushed each other away in our grief. This time, we mourned together and held on to each other. Instead of focusing on our grief, we openly forgave each other and remembered the good times: the moment we found out I was pregnant, each time we went to get an ultrasound or checkup, seeing the movement of the little baby, and how elated we felt at the prospect of becoming parents.

As the sun began to come up, we wiped our tears, matching smiles on our faces. With the sun's rising, we were marking a new chapter in the story of our love. We had been naïve and lovestruck fools. We struggled growing up and facing a new normal, and had pushed each other away when we should have drawn closer. While the sun painted the landscape with fiery strokes, we thought about how intense our love had been in the beginning, how ardent yet untested it had been, and how like a flame, it felt like our love had nearly been snuffed out by trials.