Taking A Chance On Love || m.t.✔️

二十 The Sun Is Also A Star

"I...I'm sorry, Essie. I'm so, so sorry. I never should've let you go that night," Mark said, causing me to turn my head toward him in surprise.

"I regretted what I said immediately after, but I was a coward and I didn't know how to take it back while still angry so I let you walk away when I should have apologized immediately and tried to fix things," Mark said, regret apparent in his eyes. "I came here to say I don't see you as a burden. I love you, and love isn't a burden."

Those were the words I had most wanted to hear for the past 17 days. Now that I'd heard them, I somehow wasn't sure how to act. The only thing I could do was close my eyes as a single tear fell out of each one. Mark immediately cupped my face in his hands, softly swiping away my tears.

"I have hurt you," he said, choking up slightly. "I never wanted to hurt you but I did. I secretly blamed you for the miscarriage, and I shouldn't have. I of all people should have understood the pressure you were facing, but instead of understanding, I ignored and pushed you away in my grief, not realising that I was adding to the pressure and leaving you alone and without support at your hardest moment. I shou-"

"Stop talking, please," I whispered, interrupting him before he could say another word. I wasn't sure what I wanted, but after hearing him speak, laying himself out there like that, I couldn't continue to listen.

"Essie, please. Give me another chance-" he protested weakly, anguish etched across his face.

I held a hand up to silence him. I just couldn't let him continue.

"No, it's not that. First, I want to say that I'm not mad at you, I was never mad at you. I was just confused, heartbroken, and felt guilty. But I also can't let you keep apologizing while I sit here like I haven't done anything wrong. I've also been thinking hard all this time, but at the end of the day, you're the one who came to me when it should have been me going back to you. I was the coward. I was the coward for leaving, and I still am. If you hadn't been the bigger person, we wouldn't even be sitting together now. So I'm the one who should be saying sorry. I was wrong to leave you and not stay by your side even when things were tough. And I'm wrong for essentially forcing you to come all the way out here and line up for a long time to get something I like, all just to see me and have a talk that I should have stayed and allowed to happen 2 and a half weeks ago. I ran away and didn't go back because I was scared of what it meant. I was scared that this was...the end of us," I said, voice cracking as I teared up in sadness, shame, and remorse.

Before I could continue, I felt Mark suddenly pull me into his arms. I had missed this feeling so much that immediately, the dam burst and I began to cry. I lifted my arms up around his neck and clung desperately to him like a drowning sailor clutching a piece of driftwood in a storm. Through my tears, I felt the tightness of Mark's arms around me, I heard the sound of him sniffling, and I smelled the familiar cologne I always bought him. The sensations came together in a whirlwind of dazzling colors behind my closed, leaking eyes, painting a picture of love, loss, and devotion.

At that moment, I realised that my star wasn't in a galaxy far away like I thought before. No, he was the center of my universe, my guiding light, my sun that I could embrace. I realised that indeed, the sun is also a star. He was my star because he was my sun. My sun was right here, and I had somehow become the space that enveloped it in its embrace. He was mine again, and I refused to let him go this time. Whatever it took, I was willing to go through anything necessary to be fireproof and embrace my sun, my star, forever.

"There could never be an end to us," Mark said, his voice slightly muffled by my shoulder. "You are mine, and I am yours forever. I want to be the one by your side forever."

He slowly detached himself from me, placing his hands on my shoulders and looking earnestly into my eyes. I beheld his own teary eyes and once again saw the love in them, the love that I wasn't sure still existed until now.