Love is Deaf

Chapter 12

Malia made an appointment with an ear specialist. She was sitting in the waiting room, anxious to head inside. "Malia Baker?" She stands and waves. He motions for her to follow him. "So, what brings you here?" He asks her. I'm deaf, it was caused by an infection. And i was wondering if there was anything that you could do to fix that and help me regain my hearing? Malia sighs. He nods. "Ok, um, let's take a look at your ears first, yeah?" He asks. Malia nods and sits in the chair. She places her head on the device as it locks and holds her head still. He shines a camera with a light inside her ear and looks around. "Hmm...." She sees him looking closer at the screen. What is it? She asks. He takes the camera and shines it in her other ear. "Oh, that's interesting...."

She sees him saying something so she waves to get his attention. What is it? She asks. "Your deafness is due to some nerve damage. With today's technology, all we have to do is repair the damage, and you should be able to hear again." Malia stares at him. That's it? He nods. That's it. Malia sighs. How much will that cost? She asks him. Well, depending. Most insurances cover it, and I've gone over yours, you'll be able to afford it. Did you want me to schedule you an appointment? He asks. Malia, hearing again. She doesn't even remember what it's like to hear. She can't speak. She knows she can speak but not very well, she'll need speech therapy. What about afterwards? Like my speech and everything? He nods. We can give you the information for some speech therapist in the area, if you want? Malia shakes her head. No need, i already looked it up. He nods. Ok, so did you want to do it? I'll schedule you an appointment. Malia sighs. Can i think about it? He nods. Of course.

They part ways as Malia walks back to Kylie's apartment. She walks in and sees Ruby and Mel talking on the couch. "Hey! How'd it go?" Mel asks her. "How'd what go?" Ruby looks at her. "Malia said she had an appointment with some doctor today about her hearing." Mel shrugs. "What? That's huge! So are you gonna be able to hear again?" Ruby looks at Malia. She shrugs. I'm not sure. They said it was some nerve damage and they think they can repair it. And they want me to take up Speech therapy. Malia signs. "Uh.... I'm a bit rusty with my signing." Ruby looks at Mel, confused. She laughs and repeats what Malia signed. "Oh! That's great news!" Malia reads her lips and nods. I just don't know if i wanna tell Kylie or not. She sighs. "Whoa, not tell Kylie? Why not?" Mel asks. "Wait, you haven't told Kylie?" Ruby looks at Malia, who shakes her head. I didn't wanna tell her cause i didn't wanna get her hopes up, or mine for that matter and also i wanted it to be a surprise. Malia shrugs. Mel smiles. "I can understand that." Ruby groans. "Mel!" She slaps her arm. "What? It's not my fault you don't know sign! She said she wants it to be a surprise." Mel rubs her arm. "Owwie...." Ruby rolls her eyes and kisses her arm. "There, better?" "Much." Mel smirks. Malia watches the two interact before clearing her throat. What's going on? She smirks. Mel glares at her. Nothing. Malia raises her eyebrow. Doesn't seem like nothing to me. "Oh for fucks sake!" Mel sighs. "What? What'd she say?" Ruby asks. "Nothing." Malia now glares at her. Mhm. Mel glares back. Stop it, we're just friends. Malia shrugs and heads to Kylie's room.

"What was that about?" Ruby asks. "Nothing." Mel sighs. "Didn't seem like nothing to me." Ruby insisted. "It's nothing, i swear." Mel laughs. "Well if it's nothing, then tell me." Ruby nudges her side. Mel stares at her before sighing. "Malia and Kylie don't think that we're friends." "But we are." Ruby looks at her confused. "I meant, just friends." "Oh...." "Yeah, oh." Mel smiles. Ruby bounces her leg nervously. "You ok?" Mel asks her. "I'm fine." Ruby smiles. "Ruby?" "I'm fine, i swear." Mel doesn't believe her but let's it go. The thought of even indulging in another relationship right now was the last thing on either of their minds anyway. "Ok, well, wanna grab lunch?" Mel stands as Ruby follows. "Sure." They leave out the door and Kylie comes in. "Hey!" "Hey! Where you two going?" She smirks. "Ky...." Ruby warns her. "I'm just asking a question." She shrugs. Mel laughs. "Lunch, you want anything?" Kylie shakes her head. "Nah, I'm ok. Thanks though." "Ok, well we'll be back later, oh, Malia is in your room." Ruby tells her before she shuts the door behind her.

"Maliki?" Kylie says to herself as she heads towards her room. She finds Malia laying in bed, staring at the ceiling. She flickers the lights a couple times to get her attention before entering. Malia sits up and looks at her. Hey! She smiles. "Hey, what are you doing here? Did we have a date? Did i forget?" Kylie sits next to her. Malia shakes her head. No, nothing like that. I wanted to surprise you. Kylie smiles. "Well, consider me surprised." Malia laughs and leans in for a kiss. So, how was work? Kylie rolls her eyes. "Ugh, work was work. What about you? What did you do all day?" Malia shrugs. Just had some errands to run. Kylie nods. "Ok, well are you hungry? I can order some lunch or something?" Malia smiles and nods. Yes please. Kylie laughs and kisses her cheek. "You're so cute." Malia blushes. "Ok what did you want? Vegetable chow mein? Sushi? Heaven forbid, a salad?" Kylie jokes. Malia laughs and shakes her head. Chow mein is fine. Kylie nods and takes out her phone to order. She walks into the other room, leaving Malia to look around.

She knows she shouldn't but oh well. Kylie has been keeping something from her and it's driving her crazy. What doesn't she want her to know? She felt bad for snooping around. Kylie wouldn't cheat. She also wouldn't keep secrets either, at least, she thinks she wouldn't. But she's clearly keeping something from her. She doesn't even know what she's looking for, but she needs to be quick. She keeps glancing over her shoulder to make sure Kylie hasn't come in, since she can't hear her footsteps. And then she finds it. A small, pink journal nearly tucked away in her underwear drawer. Why is it always the underwear drawer? She ignores the deep blush creeping onto her face as she moves Kylie's thongs, g-strings and underwear aside and grabs the little book. She sits on the bed and glances at the door again. She quickly opens it and goes to the last entry.

She's incredible. No, she's ethereal. Every day i spend with her, every second I'm with her, i fall more and more. She's just been through so much, i can tell without her having said anything. I just want to make her life a little easier. I want to be the one person that she doesn't have to struggle with. Doesn't have to read lips, doesn't have to rely on writing it down on her phone, just be herself. She can do anything. Be anyone. Have anyone. Why would she want me? I don't want to ruin it. She's never been with anyone, i agreed to go her pace but it eats away at me inside. Every kiss we share, every cuddle session we have, i want to tell her. But I'm terrified I'll scare her away. I want to love her. But I'm afraid I'll never be able to give her the love she deserves. Which is why i never tell her how i feel. I never sign it. I physically tell her whenever my emotions build up inside me until I can't keep in any longer. So i make sure she can't see my lips whenever i say it. I know one day the words will fully come out of my mouth and my hands, I can't keep it from her forever, but for now, it'll be my little secret.

When was this? She checks the date on the entry. That was the day she drew her. Back then? Kylie's felt this way for four months and she's never said anything? To know that she feels this way but also that she thought this way, like Kylie doesn't deserve her or something. If she was being honest, she probably felt the same way. No one's made Malia feel this way before. To feel seen, heard, ironically since she can't speak. But when it came down to it, she loves her. Of course she loves her. How could she not? But it's not enough to just sign it to her. No, Kylie deserves more than that. She's saying yes to that speech therapy and that surgery. She'll be damned if she goes another day without being able to hear Kylie tell her that she loves her. And without being able to say it back.