𝚑𝚊𝚗𝚊𝚑𝚊𝚔𝚒 | 𝚓𝚊𝚡 𝚡 𝚛𝚎𝚊𝚍𝚎𝚛

jealous much?

I blinked open my eyes. Immediately I noticed I was back in my room at the circus, and for once I was happy to be there, gone from the nightmare of a memory. I heaved a sigh of relief. 

Did all that really happen?

I tried to get up, but found there was something restricting me from doing so. Twisting around, I discovered Jax in bed next to me, arm wrapped around my waist tightly, snoozing away, completely unaware that I was awake.

I prepared to give him a slap to wake him but caught myself, remembering the horrors of what had happened when I lost control and hurt him. I sighed, settling back onto the mattress to find a comfy position to sleep, only to be met with two bulbous yellow eyes and a huge smirk.

I shrieked and tried to scramble away, but his grip on me was tight, allowing me to only squirm. My cheeks flushed red with embarrassment as I averted my gaze, looking anywhere but his face. "What are you doing here...?" I squeaked.

His grin seemed to falter for a second, replaced briefly by concern. "Well...you kinda passed out...so..." he seemed to be at a loss for words. A tinge of red appeared on his face as he fiddled with his fingers.

I waited for a response but got none. I gave up, exhaling and sliding off the bed, giving myself a much-needed nice, long stretch. I turned around to look at Jax, who was now sitting upright on the side of my bed. "If you don't have anything better to do, then can you please leave?" I said in a harsher tone than I meant.

Jax's smirk remained plastered on his face. Wordlessly, he rose off the bed, advancing in my direction. I felt my cheeks growing hot as I slowly backed away. "What are you doing...?" I questioned, but he didn't answer.

My back hit the wall. I was cornered. My ears pinned back on my head as my pupils darted left and right, desperately looking for an escape route. Jax only came closer, his eyes sparkling with mischief. Soon there was only a foot between us.

He slammed his hands on my wrists, adjusting them so that they were pinned above my head. I whimpered, squeezing my eyes shut, preparing for the worst.

Instead, I felt soft lips crash against my own. My eyes shot open, widening in surprise as I squirmed, trying to get away, but Jax held me fast. He readjusted his grip, one of his hands trailing down my waist, fiddling with the hem of my shirt.

I melted into the kiss, fiercely kissing him back. A cold gloved hand slid under my shirt, making me gasp and break the kiss. I pulled away first, eyes wide with shock.

"Why...?" I asked. Jax released me, allowing my arms to fall limply to my sides as he rubbed the back of his neck, clearly embarrassed. His face was coated in red blush.

He took a few steps back, giving me space. "You're...different, (y/n). I've never felt this way about anyone else." Jax's pupils traveled up to meet mine, then darted back to the ground. "I'm...I'm sorry. Please don't-"

I cut him off, boldly stepping in front and silencing him with a finger to his lips. "Jax, I don't hate you. Stop blaming yourself. And..." I paused, fiddling with my fingers. "I feel the same way too."

For a second those hypnotizing yellow eyes regarded me, sending a shiver down my spine as I waited for him to say it. To say that he loved me, craved me, the same way I needed him. But no, his gaze dropped to the ground as he released a heavy sigh, rubbing his left arm.

"I'd...better go." he muttered, and before I could stop him, he slipped out the doorway, leaving me alone with my thoughts yet again. Frustrated and unsatisfied, I flopped down onto the soft mattress of my bed, hoping that somehow it could bring me comfort.