In The Mist of Shadows

Chpt. 12

When Adela woke, she felt nothing but the black heaviness that consumed her. Last night was so ugly, she didn't know how she got that way. She wasn't going to kill him, but the rage blurred that fact. She was so ashamed. Maybe she did deserve the life she was handed, maybe she was just as bad as her father-

"No you're not." Azriel spoke from a chair he dragged into her room.

Her thoughts had leaked out. When she closed them up again she turned, she could barely see him through her puffy eyes. Did he stay here all night? Why is he even here? Although she was secretly glad for it. "I wasn't going to-"

"He knows that, and so does everyone else."

"He said I can't train with you." Azriel sighed and was about to say something but she spoke first. "I don't want to train with Cassian. Hand to hand is going to be bad enough to get over, I don't want to do it with someone who I haven't been working with."

"Cassian would never do anything to hurt you. And he probably would have had to spar a tree until you were okay with him."

"I don't want to train with Cassian." She repeated, hoping he knew what she was saying.

He did, but didn't let it show. "You're going to have to talk to him about that. Which he is hoping you will do today." Adela sank further into her mattress, she didn't want to leave it. Right now this room is the only place she felt safe. She was now starting to understand the priestesses here. Adela pulled her covers further up and Azriel nodded. "I'll tell him another day then."

"I don't want to leave the library... And right now I don't want to leave this room." She began to cry again. Her eyes burned so bad at the new tears. "I don't know if I can get over this-"

Azriel got up and couched down to eye level with her. His heart ached for her. "It will get better. Whatever happened to you, even last night, it's in the past. It can not hurt you anymore."

"That's what Thea says." She sniffed. Azriel smiled and Adela shot up. "You were the one who brought her here?"

"Rhysand has me go on a few trips to check things out. Usually I come back with someone who-"

"Stop. I don't want to cry again and her story will make me."

"I was going to say someone who needs a fresh start. But yes, I did bring her here."

"Thank you." She was quick to say. Some selfish part of her was thankful that Azriel brought her here so years later she could have a friend. Someone to confide in.

"Speaking of, someone is waiting for me to leave. Are you alright?" He stood, his height towering over her since she was sitting. She nodded making him also nod. "Take your time, however long it takes."

When he left it was a few minutes before Thea knocked on the door. Adela muttered a 'come in' and when she walked in, Adela burst into tears again.

~

It has been two weeks. Adela didn't leave the library, filling her time with work for Clotho and talking with Thea. She even talked with Gwyn a couple of times, knowing that she was going to tell Nesta if she was okay or not. She felt fine, at least during the day. It was at night when there was nothing to do and the world stopped to sleep she couldn't help but let her thoughts consume her.

She would not only think about her trauma but how she felt about herself. She felt disgusted with herself, pathetic, alone... No matter how many others she talked to or was around. She still felt alone. So after her fifth night of no sleep she decided to find books on the history of Prythian. She devoured books left and right trying to find any motive on why her father wanted this realm. So far it was looking like a coincidence. Maybe he just saw the rip and said "there's a way into that realm so why not?" But she couldn't help but feel like it was more, even more than his brother.