Bound By A Book (KYMAN FIC)

Vent your heart out

Cartman had thought he'd been handling things just fine, or at least as well as he could. No one had figured out what was going on in his head—not Stan, not Kenny, and especially not Kyle.

He'd even convinced himself he was doing a decent job at hiding his reactions. But as the week went on, he felt like he was slowly losing control. Every time he was near Kyle, he had to fight to keep his face from flushing, and it was getting harder to act normal.

It was Friday morning, and Cartman found himself trying, yet again, to shake off his feelings. They'd gathered by the lockers, waiting for the first bell to ring, when Kyle happened to stand a bit too close.

Cartman's pulse quickened, and he immediately turned away, hoping nobody noticed the redness creeping up his cheeks.

Kyle glanced over, oblivious to the effect he was having. "You okay, Cartman? You've been kind of weird all week," he said, raising an eyebrow.

Cartman panicked for a split second before resorting to his tried-and-true defense mechanism: insults. "Weird? I'm not the one who smells like a Jewish deli left out in the sun," he sneered, feeling that familiar sense of relief as his face cooled down a little.

Kyle rolled his eyes, clearly unfazed by the jab. "Whatever, fatass." He glares.

But Cartman could tell Stan had noticed something. Stan's expression was somewhere between concerned and skeptical, and Cartman felt his stomach flip with worry.

The last thing he needed was Stan sniffing around, trying to figure out why he'd been acting different. He avoided Stan's gaze, pretending to rummage through his locker, and hoped that would be enough to end the scrutiny. For now, at least.

As they made their way through the day, Cartman felt on edge. He couldn't concentrate in class, and every accidental brush with Kyle felt like it lasted hours, his heart doing somersaults with every interaction.

He'd have to find some way to keep his guard up—anything to keep them from finding out.

Eventually, it was time for gym class. Today, they'd been assigned to walk laps outside, which meant five whole laps around the field in the afternoon sun.

The four of them stepped onto the track, falling into their usual pace. Kyle and Kenny walked ahead, deep in conversation, while Stan hung back a bit, keeping in step with Cartman.

Cartman glanced at Kyle up ahead, watching the way his curls bounced slightly as he walked. He bit his lip, heart pounding as he tried to look away before anyone noticed. But Stan was quick to catch on.

"You wanna tell me what's going on with you?" Stan asked quietly, his tone curious but gentle.

Cartman immediately tensed, his heart leaping in his chest. "What're you talking about?" he mumbled, feigning indifference as he kept his eyes focused on the ground.

"Oh, come on, dude," Stan said, lowering his voice. "You've been acting weird all week. I saw you blushing when Kyle stood next to you earlier."

Cartman's stomach dropped, and he felt a spike of panic. Was he really that obvious? He forced a laugh, waving Stan off. "Blushing? You're insane, Stan. As if I'd—" But his words faltered, and he knew he wasn't convincing anyone.

Stan didn't let it go. "Look, man, I'm not trying to get in your business. I just... I can tell something's up. And I've known you long enough to know when you're acting... different."

Cartman's breathing picked up as he tried to think of a way out of this. His chest felt tight, and he could feel his face getting warm again.

Suddenly, he spun on his heel and tried to walk faster, putting distance between himself and Stan. But Stan was persistent, jogging to keep up and grabbing Cartman's shoulder to stop him.

"Cartman, wait. You can trust me," Stan said firmly, his grip steady. "Just... tell me what's going on. I won't laugh, I promise."

Cartman stopped, shoulders slumping in defeat. The panic inside him reached a breaking point, and all the walls he'd been building around himself came crashing down.

He stared at the ground, his face flushed with shame and embarrassment, as he began to speak, barely more than a whisper.

"I... I have a crush on Kyle, alright?" he blurted out, his voice wavering. "I don't know why, and I don't want to, but I can't help it. And it's driving me insane."

Stan's eyes widened, but he didn't interrupt, sensing there was more Cartman needed to say.

"It's like... every time I'm around him, I can't stop thinking about how stupid his hair looks, or how his laugh sounds, or how..." Cartman's voice cracked, and he squeezed his eyes shut, trying to hold back the frustration that had been building all week. "And I hate that I feel this way, because it's Kyle. He's supposed to be... I dunno, someone I hate. But I can't stop thinking about him, and it's messing with me, Stan. I don't know how to deal with it."

Stan listened intently, not judging, just letting Cartman get it all out. Cartman took a shaky breath and continued, voice barely audible.

"And the only thing that helps, even a little, is drawing him. I don't know why, but it's like... when I draw him, I can control it a little. It makes me feel like... like maybe I can get over it, but..." He trailed off, hands shaking slightly. "But it's just making it worse. The more I draw him, the more I... the more I—"

He stopped, his throat tight. He looked at Stan, expecting to see mockery or disgust, but instead, he saw only understanding.

"Wow... Cartman, I... I never knew...," Stan said softly, genuinely surprised. "That's a lot to keep to yourself..."

Cartman scoffed, but it was weak, a feeble attempt to keep his usual demeanor. "Yeah, well, it's not like I can just tell anyone. You think I want people knowing that I have a crush on Kyle?"

Stan shook his head. "No, I get it. But you don't have to deal with it all on your own...I won't tell anyone, okay? Not even Kyle. You can trust me."

Cartman felt a strange sense of relief, a weight lifting off his chest. For the first time, he didn't feel completely alone with his feelings.

He glanced away, biting his lip as he struggled to find the right words. "Thanks, Stan. I... I didn't think that you guys would be so chill about this. Thanks I guess..."

Cartman and Stan stood silently for a few seconds before Cartman spoke up quietly "oh uh and I know you and Wendy have been together for like- forever so- I was wondering if you could give me some good advice...?" He trailed off, not wanting to seem desperate even though he definitely was.

Stan's smile faded into one of more of a nervous half- smile. "Well I'm not really good with gay relationships and such...or advice in general. Im a little...undereducated about that stuff so..."

Cartman managed a faint laugh, feeling a little lighter. "Yeah, no kidding."

Stan scratched the back of his head, thinking. "But! Maybe Craig could help? He's kind of been through something similar with Tweek, you know? He'd probably understand better than I do."

Cartman considered it, still feeling uncertain but a little more hopeful. "Yeah... maybe. I just don't want anyone else knowing. It's bad enough that you figured it out."

Stan chuckled. "Don't worry, I won't say anything. But if you ever need to talk, I'm here, okay dude?"

Cartman nodded, a small, genuine smile forming on his face. He still didn't know where his feelings for Kyle would lead or how he'd handle it, but at least now he didn't feel completely alone.

And for the first time, he felt like maybe—just maybe—he could figure this out without completely falling apart.