BUTTERFLIES I N THE DARK

SCHOOL

"Nothing of me is original, I am the combined effort of everyone I've ever known"

-Chuck Palahniuk-

In my struggle to be the be the good girl I accepted something I would live to regret, I accepted to go to school.

Today I decided to return to the hallways of education only that it wasn't to the people I had grown to love but rather to a sea of strangers who gave me a peculiar looks here and there like the alien I was. Weeks ago I was convinced that Iwould never step in school again and now when I had the opportunity to do so I was unhappy but trust me I had my reasons.

The moment the driver left, I was led to the principal's office who happened to be a short chubby woman with wide eyes and a smile to fill the heavens and for a moment I was convinced things would actually go well. But the moment I stepped into the hallway I was surrounded by whispers and green glares. I made it to class though and decided to sit down for math, the only free seat was next to a boy with a hairstyle we call "BISWAHILI" and his head down in sleep, "his existence would never have been accepted in my previous school" I thought as I sat down next to him.

The math teachers entered but to my dismay the sketchy individual remained asleep, in the course of the lesson I received a note saying "you don't belong here butterfly, you don't belong anywhere" I had not worn make up so the butterfly rash on my face was very evident something which I didn't care about but weirdly enough her words hit me maybe because she was right and even though words rarely hit me tears welled up in eyes. I left the classroom hurriedly in search of the nearest bathroom but immediately I left the classroom and the tears rolled. I heard the sound of laughter as I sprinted to where I presumed that Sartre was right when he said hell is other people. After what felt like eternity in the luxurious bathroom, I came out to the ferocious site of two girls who had so much make up they looked like ghosts were stationed outside and immediately through an array of words at me mainly consisting of emphasis on the fact that I did not belong

A fact they did not know I had long accepted. I don't belong with people whose entire lives have literally been reflected in silver and gold, I've known struggle and hustle all my life. I could never belong even if I wanted to. At my old school I was accepted and loved, here I was just the illegitimate child with a butterfly rash. But I can't go back can I?

So when I was driven 'home' this evening, I had made up that no matter who it hurt, I would never go back. I reached home to find my 'father sitted in the spacious living roomwhich is weird since he was barely home. He made an attempt to inquire on how school was, an attempt I intentionally ignored but I had to find a way to tell him there was no way I was going back.

Courage appeared from my depths and I sat across him with my palms folded. The moment I told him I didn't want to go his eyes changed to a look I had grown to hate all my life, a look of pity. He immediately asked me if I was being bullied and I was being bullied and as I denied I suddenly felt that for the first time he actually cared. I had expected a battle but was surprised by what he said "I'll get you a tutor instead"