Faking Amends (BadLuckBrides series #2)

21

Cassie

Why is he here?

I mean, I know why. But why?

To humiliate me some more? Humiliate isn't even the word, really. It's something worse.

Deeper with much more sting, and I haven't been able to shake the feeling yet.

The way he looked at my old photos the moment it all finally clicked in his head, I could have burst into flames right where I was standing.

I mean my cheeks warmed up so hot I literally could have.

I wanted to be done with this. The moment I decided to head home was also the moment I decided there was no turning back.

Not for me, not for Chase. And definitely not for Ivan.

Yet here he is, letting my father order him around for the past three hours. Back and forth, hauling hay, big buckets of water, and whatever else my dad needs him to do to help with his daily routine.

If I wasn't so mad about him being here, I'd think it were noble of him. But since I am, he's just an idiot.

"Look at those two bondin'," Mama speaks beside me, blowing into her hot steaming mug. "He's a hard worker just like your daddy."

"I guess."

"Aw, come on. He's trying. I know he did something to upset you, and it's not my business what, but he came all the way over here and he's already won over your granny."

I glance back at my grandma sleeping soundly in Grandpa's old broken in recliner.

She has seemed to take a pretty strong liking to him since he walked in the door. And I know her, she reads people like they've got their whole entire life written on their skin.

She's never been wrong about anyone yet.

Met Chase one time and she hated him so bad she only refers to him as the boy.

He didn't do anything wrong that day, but she knew he would eventually. I know she couldn't bare to warn me, but even if she had I wouldn't have listened anyway.

"Look, Cass. I think it's worth hearing him out, and if you can't come to an agreement after today, send him back where he came from and you can start over here."

Just like Granny, I always take Mama's advice. They're usually spot on, and although I'm skeptical this time, it's worth a shot.

Either way, if this is the end, we need closure. We needed it years ago.

"You're fitting in nicely with us country folk," I say, looking straight at the back of his head.

I don't miss the way he perks up at the sound of my voice, even though he looks exhausted and sun beaten. Sweat rolls down his temple and he pulls up his shirt to dry his skin, exposing his tight toned abs and I hate that my eyes are so eager for a peek at him.

I can't help it. I wish being an asshole made you equally as ugly on the outside.

Especially seeing him out here like this.

And I thought he was hot back in the city. Being this big important lawyer, literally the smartest man I've ever met. Watching him with a shovel all day, heavy lifting, doing work the Ivan Hartman I knew would think was beneath him?

I hate to admit that it's really doing something for me.

"Oh yeah." He huffs out an exasperated laugh. "With my cuffed slacks and rolled up work shirts, I look like a real native."

"Don't forget about the horse poo on your shoes." I giggle at the way his face balls up like he's trying not to gag, but also laugh himself.

Besides him looking sexy as hell all dirty and sweat stained, it's just nice seeing him in this light.

Seeing him use his hands, unafraid to get filthy. Get to work. Completely out of his element.

If I didn't know any better, I'd think he maybe enjoyed it.

I mean, not the shoveling shit part, but you know.

"You must've pissed off my daddy." I cross my arms as he shovels the lash fly covered pile into the bin.

"Huh?" He tosses the shovel once he's done like he couldn't wait, and wipes his hands on his pants.

"He only ever made us do this when we were on punishment."

"No shit?" He laughs again, his head turning up at the roof as he leans his weight against the wall. "Well, I'd rather be worked like a dog than be given the angry dad lecture."

"You deserved the angry dad lecture."

"I deserve a lot of things." He sighs. "But you didn't. And I'm sorry, Cassie."

"For what? For being a high school bully, using me to scam your dead father, or making me start to actually like you when you knew you..."

"What?" He pushes himself from the wall, coming toward me. And if it weren't for all the dirt and who know what else his clothes are covered in, I'd be like clay in his palms.

"Nothing."

"No, tell me. Tell me what you think I knew."

"You knew...you had no intentions of anything real happening between us. I knew it too, but for a second I thought, maybe..."

"If I'm being honest with you Cassie, I never think that far ahead. It's a fault of mine, a major one. I needed your help, yes. But did I plan on any of the rest happening? Not at all. All the time we spent together, that was real. When we kissed, it was genuine."

"Then why do I feel so stupid? Why do I feel like I'm still nothing and no one? Like I'm still that girl who got ten gallons of milk dumped over her head in front of the whole auditorium?"

He takes a breath on that note, both hands raking through his damp hair as he paces backwards for a moment.

My worst moment and he was apart of it.

I'd worked my ass off for that performance, rehearsed it day and night. Mama and Granny ran through my lines with me all the time. It was my last performance of my high school career, and it was first time playing the lead. I was going to play Aurora, and Nicole was pissed that I made the cut and she was only picked to be my understudy.

"I didn't know anything about that night, Cassie," he finally says. "I swear. And I know that doesn't make it better because I could have spoken up for you. I could have spoken up for anybody they victimized, but I didn't. And I'm sorry."

I feel a thick lump in my throat and try to swallow over it anyway, my eyes beginning to itch as I look away from him.

I'm not crying in front of him. I can't.

"And I feel like such a fucking jackass for not realizing who you were...just goes to show how self absorbed I can be."

"Definitely." I sniff up the bit of emotion I almost let escape me and see the way his eyes hold on me.

Like he's actually seeing me. Cassandra Stein, the girl from high school who'd walk past him every day in the halls. With her brown boots, her dresses and skirts. Her blonde curls and hazel eyes. Freckles and pink cheeks. The girl who loved theater and singing, laughing so loud she snorts and doesn't care who hears it.

He's staring at me like I'm finally uncovered in front of him, and I don't know how to feel about it.

A light knock calls our attention and we see Mama poking her head around the wall. "Hey, you two. Lunch is on the table and I'm sure you could eat somethin', Ivan..."

He nods at her. "I surely could, Tana. Be right in."

She leaves us alone and our eyes lock again, his hand comes toward my face and I catch him by the wrist before he can make contact.

I almost laugh. "Let's pick this up later, after lunch...and a shower."