Bittersweet Marriage (Jella)

Chapter 1

Jema POV

Hindi ko maisip na aabot sa ganito ang lahat. All that has been my plan until today become so messy, thats all because of my own fault. I should not be that stupid, I should be more use my brain, kaso nangyari na. Parang pinag laruan ako ng tadhana. All that has dreamed-that should be realized slighty longer got destroyed dahil sa pag kakamaling nagawa ko.

I someone who always put perfection. Dahil sa una palang there's nothing wrong with my life, everything has been planned carefully. I work harder than other para lang matanggap sa pinaka-Top university, I tried to keep my appearance to make it look attractive and get a lover of the above, I try harder than anyone else to be happy.

Since childhood I have always praised as beautiful and smart girl. During school I was popular sa mata ng mga kaibigan ko and also my teacher. I'm perfect. Everyone will look at me with a look of envy and adored. Once I finished school, I went to a famous university and date with handsome young man from rich family who is also my senior in college. My life as a princess in a fairy tale. Supposedly, like other fairy tales, my life was ended with the sentence '... Happily ever after'. Supposed to be according to plan.

Pagkakamaling binago ang lahat sa buhay ko, changed everything into a very bad nightmare. This time I had delay from college, na dapat graduating na ako next year. I also had to break up with my boyfriend who has a relationship with me for almost two years. Not only that, worse than that, I had to marry with someone who doesn't love me and I also didn't love her.

Both my parents were shocked when I and Ella decided to get married but they do not mind. If I may be honest, maybe compared to my parents, I was more surprised by this decision. Hindi ko naman mahal si Ella. Not at all.

Me and Ella did it only once. We did it once, without love. At that time, parehas kaming under the influence of alcohol and the next morning wala na kaming maalala sa mga nangyari. Kung anong nangyari nung gabing yun ay isang malaking pagkakamali sa buhay ko. One mistake that destroy my life and my dreams into pieces.

That night we make not only one mistake but two. We not just sex, we also do not secure, and to cover up the mistake that ironically, we cover it with another error. Married. I and Ella got married even though we didn't love each other.

I don't hate Ella, but I don't love her too. We both just playmates since childhood. We've known each other a long time and do not love each other, that's it! I always dreamed to be able to live a high life as a princess and Ella knew it. By marrying, all of that dream was shattered.

Ella doesn't love me, of course. If only that night that we were not too drunk, this all would not have happened. We don't love each other, but we should get married. How pathetic.

I had to break up with my boyfriend, rather he was furious and left me when he found out what had happened. Wala naman akong magagawa. Kailangan kong pakasalan si Ella. Alam kong, Ella was very upset about this, but of course she can't blame me because this is an error that occurred two people and both of us must take responsibility.

Our marriage happened without a party. We just registered our marriage in registry office without reception or honeymoon. Walang naganap sa unang gabi na kasal na kami. No dance or wine. Two of us quite traumatized after the incident that night and we have made an unwritten agreement that we shouldn't not drink alcoholic beverages while being alone.

We combine all our saving for down payment of an apartment and live together pero mag kahiwalay kami ng kwarto. We don't hate each other, before all these events our relationship is fine. Our first pretty good friend during school but now we got married everything changed between us. A marriage without love is being big mistake, but having sex without contraception with someone na hindi mo naman mahal ay isang malaking pagkakamali din.

Sleeping with childhood playmates is one thing. Married to woman na hindi mo naman mahal is also one other thing. But compared to both, there is one thing that still foreign to me: pregnancy.

I was carrying the child of my childhood playmates and it all seemed strange to me. I'm not so fond of small children and now there is a fetus in my stomach that slowly grows into baby from soneone na hindi ko naman mahal. Ella and I do not need this child. I don't love them.

I fall into the hole that is my own making. I'm only on my twenties but I've been married and soon have a child. If only I had the courage to abort then I do not have to be stuck in this situation. We do not need to get married and James doesn't need to know that I betrayed him. Unfortunately, I was too afraid to do so.

"Toast again?!" Ella half muttered grumpily habang nakatingin sa kanyang almusal with frown on her forehead. She snorted see that I made breakfast for her this morning: a special toast-Jema style. Toast delicious savory butter coated.
"ang ingay mo naman!" I snapped, pulling up a chair and sat down in front of her
"This baby kept kicking my stomach when I'm going to cook something. Try mo kayang mag luto na may baby sa tyan mo. Hindi naman ako kangaroo!"

Ella snorted. She looked at me in disgust,
"Don't make a joke!" she said curtly
"4months ka palang buntis, which could probably kick your womb? Don't fool biology teacher"
"Hah!" I replied sarcastically, "Kung magaling ka talagang biology teacher, you should not do stupid mistake like this," I muttered as I poured coffee into my cup, "I know it's your first experience, but you should learn a lot of porn. Alam mo naman siguro kung ano ang condom di ba?"

"Tama na!" Ella stood with her face flushed restrain angry, "If you're already experienced, you should prepare the pill or other contraceptives! Just a stupid woman who let herself impregnated from someone who is not her lover without stop!"
"You think I'm cheap?" I threw my cup which is now almost empty on the table. Most contents splashed to tablecloth that I like. I stood and stared at Ella who stare back at me from the other side of dining table. I sigh and massaged my forehead.
"Come on, a virgin is boring. No wonder there is never a woman wants a relationship with you. If you had to sleep with ten women, will probably be ten woman who would come to claim your responsibility."
Ella pounded the table in front of me, surprised me.
"Enough!" she said with a face completely red. She walked away from the table, grabbing her jacket.
"I'm leaving!" She still sounded angry, "I'll be home late. Not dinner at home."
She stepped out and closed the door violently.
I sighed and sat back in my chair, 'at least she says she's not going to have dinner at home, hindi ko na kailangan mag luto.'

Incident this morning was my daily routine since we married. Palagi kaming nag aaway, after a long time nasanay na ako sa gantong sitwasyon. Although it seems a bit odd considering we were old friend first, after we got married just acting like a mortal enemy. Maybe, we just can't accept the fact that we had to marry each other, not with the people who really, we like and love. I have not been accustomed to live life as a housewife. Maybe I'll never get used. I've always aspired to be a career woman, chores such as cooking and taking out the trash.
I snapped out of my reverie and immediately looked at the clock. I groaned when I saw the little hand was on number nine. Bad! I forgot that today is the day the garbage disposal!

In my neighborhood, the garbage disposal only once a week is Wednesday every week. Because we do not want to trash ruffled by animals thats why we can only put out garbage in the garbage disposal on the clock when garbage collection trucks come. if I did not manage to throw it today then it means I have to live with the garbage-trash this week for another week. Ugh.... I don't want to think of it!

I pulled a large black plastic bag containing garbage from the kitchen. I took it out of the apartment with difficulty. Our room on the second floor so I had to go down the stairs with a big bag of trash, and it was not easy.
While half ran, I prayed that I didn't miss the garbage trucks. Painstakingly, I dragged the trash along the road to the place where the garbage collection garbage truck will be waiting.
"Ah, Teka lang po!" sigaw ko habang hinahabol ang truck na paalis na.
"Wait po!" sigaw ko ulit, dragging the garbage bag. Quite a long time I chased the truck until the truck driver was aware that a thin woman with a somewhat distended abdomen were running after the truck by dragging a large trash bag with a vengeance.

After successfully taking out the trash, I walked wearily back to my house. Since officially declared to contain, somehow slightest activity capable of making me tired. And also, angry.

Hours as this is still quite crowded streets. I looked around. There are adults who go to the office, the children go to school, the student left for college... While I have to go back to the house. How ironic. The fate of the mother-housewife is like this. My world was boring. I was too young to get stuck in hell mothers.

If I try to think positive there may be some things that benefit the young married. While the other friend sleepy in class, listening to the lecture and the nagging thought of report that must be collected, I can relax at home. Lying in front of the TV while eating a bag of chips. Ah but I missed all my classes. I was a great candidate for attorney-my teachers always said so. I know I'm going to be a great lawyer. Unfortunately, I have lost my chance and got stuck in this situation.

When I got home, I looked around a little sadly. This is where I am now. Not in the classroom or behind a desk. I looked at my stomach, it is still not too big, but in three months I would have ballooned by container trucks. If so, what else is left to me this?
I sighed and walked toward the kitchen. A cup of tea and a can of crackers seems to fit with my mood today...

To be continue...