Ruhanika: A Tale of Love

Panic Attack 😰

Leaving this place seems the best option because I will go mad if I stay one more second here.

She has wrapped my whole family in her fingers. It's like they are not my family anymore, they are hers. She is snatching my everything slowly-slowly. She snatched my freedom first, then my patience, my calm, my peace, and now my family. It's like she is here to capture everything. 

She is a witch but a beautiful one. I would be lying if I said she was not the most captivating woman I ever saw. She is not not the most beautiful woman on the Earth. Her eyes are so deep and I somehow always found myself swimming in the waves of her eyes. Her eyes hold some fear, sadness, hurt, and a lot of pain which drives me to go crazy. I want to hurt her for what she did to me but I feel that she is already broken to an extent that I want to put her back. I sometimes think about what made her this much broken.

She maintains calm and composure in front of anyone as if there is not a single volcano erupting inside her. She looked so vulnerable and hurt when I left her in the kitchen. I wanted to tell her that I would be leaving for work and I would not want her to create any problem behind my back. But it came out all bad because I saw her making my mother lie to me or they both were hiding something from me. They both were talking about something serious before and I heard her using my name in her sentence but when I called Maa. The look on their face changed and suddenly they both looked pale as if concealing a deep secret behind their innocent faces. But I thought not to say anything regarding it.

I informed Maa about my plans and saw her listening to me intently. After Maa left, I simply wanted to warn her and say goodbye. But the way I found myself mesmerized by her beauty up close and noticing her reaction. She looked like a dream but when I snapped out of my daze and the situation, we were in made me angry again and kind of yelled at her again. I could not forget the look on her face when I left her.

She was so hurt and the tear that left her eye pierced my heart somehow.

The only way I could figure out how to channel my emotions was by staying away from everyone and thinking in a peaceful environment. You must be thinking how could I just leave? But I had appointed one of my best bodyguards to her. She is to be queen of Rajasthan; her safety is as important as mine. I know I don't like her but I can not run away from my duty i.e. to be king. I'll try to make my peace with the situation but right now I have to get away from it. You must be thinking of me as a coward but sometimes running away seems like a better option. And in no way I am perfect.

Well, I'll come after a month or so.

He left just like that. He hurt me again. It's like a process. I couldn't stop the tears from falling but I had to leave this kitchen before Maa saw me like this. She would get worried and would not leave me. She would make me tell her what happened to me and I am not very good at lying. She is like a goddess to me and I can not lie to her and I also can not tell her about her son misbehaving with me. She would not talk to him again.

I ran towards his room and closed the door.

Am I that bad? Why does everybody hate me? The tears were falling from my ears like a waterfall and the pain I was feeling in my chest was like somebody ripped my heart out of my body. I couldn't breathe and I was on the verge of blacking out. I don't know what happened next but all I could see were black dots and I fell.

When I got my consciousness back, I could hear people talking around me but my head was hurting so much. It was difficult for me to open my eyes but with a lot of difficulty I did. I saw each and every member was present in the room and I was on the bed. Maa was sitting beside me and when she saw my eyes open. She helped me sit. I sat and looked at everyone. They all were giving me worried looks.

"What happened?" I asked.

"Kya hua? Kya hua puch rhi h yeh papa?" Maa said looking at Dadu with anger. She seemed upset.

(What happened? She is asking what happened, papa?)

"kya hua Maa? Aap mujse naraz kyu ho?" I asked.(What happened Maa? Why are you upset with me?)

"Kyu naraz hun? Tumne humse itni badi cheeze kaise chuppai Ruhi? Tume btaya kyu nhi ki tumhe panic attacks aate h? Ek baar toh btake dekhti bachhe hum kuch krte nah. Aisa kya ho gya ki tumhe yeh sab sehna padd rha h?" Maa asked while looking at me and I could see tears forming in her eyes.(Why I am upset? Why did you hide this from us Ruhi? Why didn't you tell us that you get panic attacks? If you would have tried to tell us one, we would have done something. What happened that you get these attacks?)

I saw the look on everyone's face but I couldn't lift up my face. How could I tell them that the way my parents abused me made me get these attacks? Sometimes I feel okay with these attacks because I could get some sleep while it happens. I know it sounds fucked up but no one can sleep peacefully with a lot of open wounds and pain. It gets difficult to sleep, work and think. Should I tell them or not?

What should I do? Help me, God.

What do you guys think would happen next?

 Would Ruhi tell them about her past or would she ask them to give her time?

Kindly show your love by voting it would mean a lot to me.