Fortified -Pau Cubarsí-

4 - i'm here

considering my brother has been playing football ever since he was little, you would think im used to away games by now, and you would be wrong, i hate them.

i've never known exactly what makes me hate them so much, but my closest guess is that i hate how dirty we play, i hate the fact that the team feels the need to prove themselves in a way that they don't at home.

the team bus hits a pothole and i snap out of my thoughts, almost like jumping from a calm world where you can only hear yourself, to a massive bus full of hyped up, testosterone-filled football players.

"you okay?" Celeste asks me in a worried tone "yeah why?" my answer comes out in a squeaky tone that sounds and feels strange coming from my throat. "nothing, you just looked a bit out of it there" she says, eyeing me with a weird look and i shrug in response "im always worried before away games". 

right then, Hector jumps out from behind us and leans down to kiss Celeste. I fake heave to my right and in that moment, Pau pops out next to me, and our faces end up centimeters apart. i inhale quickly, my eyes darting around his face as both of us go red, and before we pull apart, i catch his eyes move down to my lips.

Pau clears his throat, rubbing the back of his neck awkwardly as he steps back, but I catch the ghost of a smile on his lips. My stomach feels like it's doing backflips, and I force myself to focus on something, anything else. The last thing I need is to get tangled up in this before the game even starts.

I glance over at Hector and Celeste, now wrapped up in their own world, and shake my head. "Honestly, I don't know how you guys can act so carefree before an away game," I say, trying to sound casual. 

 Pau raises an eyebrow, folding his arms. "Isn't it good to be a little carefree? Takes the pressure off." 

 "Not when you're sitting in a bus full of rowdy footballers who've already decided this match is going to be a brawl," I reply, lowering my voice so only he can hear. "I just don't like the way they turn when we're not on home turf." 

 He studies me, his gaze thoughtful. "You're probably the only one on this bus who thinks that way." 

 "Tell me about it." I offer a half-hearted grin. "Guess I just don't fit in with the team's whole 'away-game warrior' mindset."

 Pau leans a little closer, voice low. "Maybe that's why it gets to you—you don't see the game the way they do. To them, it's all about showing strength. But maybe that's not the only way to play."His words sink in slowly, and I glance at him, surprised.

 For someone who's all quiet confidence on the field, he's surprisingly... intuitive."Maybe you're right," I say, finally. "Doesn't make it easier, though."He chuckles softly. "No, but maybe it makes it feel less... wrong?"Just then, the bus jolts again, and the moment is interrupted as Fermin starts singing at the top of his lungs, dragging the rest of the team into a chorus of off-key lyrics. Pau rolls his eyes and grins at me, and for the first time, I actually start to feel a little better about this trip.

as we step out of the bus my nerves peak, i haven't seen our rivals play many times before, but i have seen them enough times to know that they play dirty. I look over at Celeste beside me, who also looks like a nervous reck, and as im looking over, her eyes widen into saucer shapes. i halt, grabbing the shaken up blonde by the hand "what's wrong?" my tone comes out worried and she looks over at me "w- what is that?" she points at the top of the stadium and that's when i see it.

smoke pours out of the stadium and my face scrunches up, "fire sticks" i answer Celeste's question as i drag her over to hector. 

"Hector" i nudge him and he looks over, his eyes lock with Celeste's and worry takes over his features "what's wrong? are you guys okay?" as asks, grabbing celeste out of arms and holding her against him. "aren't fire sticks banned?" my tone is a mix between curiosity and worry and hector shakes his head "they are banned in Spain, not here though" he answers and i grimace as the smell of smoke reaches us, the strong scent feels like its burning up my insides.

as my eyes start to water i bump into someone, arms reach out to steady me and i hear Paus voice over the roar of the crowd "i've got you, don't worry". i look up at him as moisture escapes from my eyes "sorry, i- um, im allergic to the smoke from these things" i explain, trying to regain my footing. My vision blurs and i start coughing, i can't see where im going, all i can feel is the smoke entering my lungs and Paus arms around me, the contrast between the two things makes me want to jump up and down and vomit at the same time. 

I feel myself being pulled into another room, the noise and smoke drown out as the door is shut, and i feel like i can finally breathe again. I gasp for air, gripping Paus shirt in my hands, and as quick as they started, the gasps turn into sobs, sobs of relief, sobs of fear, i don't know, all i know is that im safe in Paus arms, in this tiny room, im safe.  

As my breathing slows and the harsh sting of smoke fades, reality catches up to me, I'm still holding onto Pau, fingers tangled in his shirt, face buried against him. Embarrassment floods over me, and I quickly step back, wiping at my tear-streaked face.

"I... I'm so sorry," I say, barely able to meet his eyes. "I don't know what happened back there. I don't usually—" My voice fails me, and I look down, swallowing hard. "It's just stupid, I shouldn't have freaked out like that."

Pau's hand finds my shoulder, gentle but steady, grounding me. "Cesca," he says softly, his tone calm and unhurried, "you don't have to apologize for feeling things. You're not 'freaking out.' You're just... human."

I laugh weakly, brushing my hair back. "Yeah, but everyone else on this team is ready for a battle, and I can barely keep it together around some smoke."

He studies me, his gaze warm but serious. "You know what? That's what makes you different—and it's not a bad thing. You care about things the others don't. You see more than just the game; you're not out there just to prove a point."

I look up, surprised by his insight, and he continues, voice dropping to a murmur. "And if I can help you keep some of that strength, I will. I'm right here if you need me."

I feel myself soften, the weight on my chest easing. "Thanks, Pau," I whisper, voice almost shaky again. He just gives me a quiet smile, that familiar warmth in his eyes.

"You don't have to carry it alone, Cesca. Not when I'm here."

For a moment, the roar of the crowd outside fades entirely, and all I can hear is the calm assurance in his voice. Somehow, that's all I need.

Lunette yaps:

hey pookie wookie bears, i'm really happy with this chapter tbh, and im actually going to start the next chapter when i publish this one, sooo in like 3 minutes🤭 

also you guys thought you were getting smth earlier huh?😏😏

and the next chapter is going to be basically like the champions game on Wednesday and what happened #proudredstarshater

lol any who, imma start writing the next chapter😘😘

Word count: 1321