My Favorite Risk (gxg) (txs)

Chapter eight

Sarah's POV:

!TW: Abuse, memory of death, suicide attempt!

I did not expect to see Scarlett at the club tonight, especially not with her...ex? I was nice and hung out with them for a little, until I needed something way stronger than a vodka soda. I told them I'd be back, even though I didn't think i would. As I make my way behind the counter, Jason makes his way to me.

"Hey Sarah," he says, his voice energetic and kind. I've always loved Jason. He is one of my gay friends. 

"Hey J, how's your night?" I asked him while making myself some shots.

"Good, contrast to yours I see," he signals to the 3 shot cups filled with malibu, vodka, and another malibu.

"Oh no I'm fine," I nod sarcastically.

"Girl troubles?"

"Somewhat," I roll my eyes looking at them on the other end of the counter. 

"Be safe please, I'm right here if you need anything," he reassures me. I know he doesn't want another December 12th, hell, I don't think anyone does. I nod and down the shots right after eachother. I can feel Scarlett's eyes on me, but I don't care. I can't care. If she wants to play that game, we can fucking play it. 

Why would she even agree to go to a club with her ex? I don't get it, and quite frankly, I don't want to. I just need to feel free and peaceful for a little. I go up to the closed off rooftop with a shot in my left hand, and my nic and phone in the other. Once I get up there, I sit down and down the shot, hitting my nic after. I sigh, feeling the alcohol getting into my system. Eventually, I start to let in the burdens in my life.

The abuse; My mom wasn't always like this. She used to be an amazing and loving mom. She did everything for me, and would've sacrificed everything and anything for me. On my side, it changed the week before my dad died when I was 12. This wasn't when the abuse started, but it was the moment my view on her changed forever. He came to visit us for thanksgiving, because he had been back in Hungary, getting treatment for 8 months. The doctors said that he was healthy enough to come here. He stayed for two weeks, but when he left, I wasnt aloud to say goodbye. For some reason, my mom let my sister hug and kiss him goodbye, and my mom did the same. But when I went to do the same, she stopped me. She told me that I was going to see him in two weeks, and that I shouldn't make a big deal out of it. I couldn't believe her, I always knew that my sister was her favorite, but damn. So I stayed back, watching the three of them hug. And after he died, she completely changed. 

She stopped caring, I mean actually caring about me. She would try to compromise, buy us everything we wanted, but she wouldn't be there for me. She wouldn't love me like she loved my sister no matter how hard I tried. Eventually, I stopped trying. When I stopped, she immediately noticed. She went from playing victim and guilt tripping me, to slapping me, and throwing objects at me. She practically took all of the happiness I had left within me, and ripped it apart in front of me. We were arguing every day, until it was only her. I stopped giving her a reaction, stopped crying, and I just stood there listening to her. "Do you hate me? You must really hate your own mother," were only two of the billion sentences she'd guilt trip me with. Overtime, I actually did start hating her. Now, I barely talk to the woman. She is not my mom, Brittany is. She is just someone I live with now. Someone I dread to talk to, listen to, or even look at. Shes told me so many things over the year.

"You should just ki!! yourself, nobody would miss you anyways" 3x.

"I hate you, you are the worst kid ever" about 39x.