Honest Confessions of Letting Go

"You don't destroy the person that you love"

"You didn't love her, because you don't destroy the person that you love."

And that's exactly what you did. Knowingly, willingly, eagerly it almost seemed. You destroyed me. Broke my heart, tore down my walls and burn the rubble and drowned the ashes in the tears you've stolen from me.

Sometimes I hate you. Sometimes I can't help but to let every negative emotion taint the happy memories we had. But I'm almost a thousand percent sure that I was the only one having these memories because if you felt what I felt you'd be with me.

I wish I at least got to yell at you. Send my words flying at a hundred miles per minute as loud as an opera singer. I still don't think you'd understand how much I really loved you. Angrily I'd say so many things to you, and knowing you, you'd probably stand there and take it.

And I'm furious that you played with me the way you did. You used me like a toy. Just to bring up your confidence and nurse your wounds left my someone too careless to fix them. I treated you the best I could. And maybe thinking of you as my world wasn't enough. Maybe you wanted more than a girl that would brave living another day when she already had her suicide planned. Maybe you wanted someone who thought of you as more than their hero maybe you wanted someone who thought of you as their reason. And that makes sense, but you were my reason too.

It's taken me so long to get to this point, and I know I've got so much longer to go. But I don't smile when I see your pictures anymore. I just want to cry.

I realize that it's not fair to you when I say you never loved me. But it's not fair to me when you pretend you did.