Love letters: Starchaser one-shots

But my heart lies with you

Regulus writes a love letter to James. One that also talks about his thoughts, feelings, problems and desires. Even if they are not so happy as one would wish.

This is all my sadness and stuff that is going on inside my head and I projected all on my poor guy Reg.

Sorry for any confusion or spelling mistakes.

Hope someone reads this and gets the vibe I wanted.

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ─── ─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ─── ─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───

Oh, I feel the burden that is to be alive.

Every thought I have is about how I am going to die. Probably soon, maybe tomorrow, maybe today.

But my heart lies with you, and your existence fills my entire being with love and peace.

This puts me in a very weird position, at the same time that I want to end my suffering, I crave to spend the rest of my life and grow old with you.

If I don't kill myself, someone will.

In an ideal world, you, my love, would have been living happily ever after with me, maybe with 2 or 3 children even, but life is not fair for anyone, especially with us. Unfortunately, I don't think that I have any time left or desire to live another day. I can feel all my energy being sucked out of my body and my soul being stolen by some faceless person like someone is targeting and running after me as if I were some kind of plague that needs to be extinguished or else the entire world will die horribly.

Maybe I am a cruel monster that needs to be punished for all my crimes and sins, but you are the angel that lights up my days, and if I can be selfish one more time, let me take you and make you mine, so every day I can see your face and be reminded that there are good and beautiful things in the universe that make living a little bit better. That way, even if I die soon, the rest of my days will be filled with love and good memories.

Even if it's not my intention, I know that it hurts you .My lack of self-love, my will to give up, my sadness, my silence, my absence and my impossible desire to be fulfilled by you- it's probably a burden to you at this point.

Something good can happen because of this situation. Maybe it will make you grow as a person and force you to go on with your life, even if it's not with me. I wouldn't want you to be alone if I am gone, you deserve everything good in your life, more than anything that I could ever have given you.

Sometimes we have to let things go. They can still pester our thoughts. They can still eat us up.But we are free from their restraints and limitations.

Life can be a punishment for me, regardless if you are by my side or not, but it doesn't have to be one for you too.

James, I love you.
I love you with all my being.
I don't even know who I am without you.

Furthermore, I want to be selfish. I do. If I were in your position and you were to die, there's not a chance I would survive. And that's one more reason why I need to die-to end the dark thoughts that reverberate inside my head 24 hours a day, every day.

You can go on and live your life, I couldn't.

This is a weird love letter about my love for you. One that transcends life and death.
And this is also a letter telling you my thoughts and feelings, because I'm afraid of them, but more so, I am afraid to lose you.

Marry me now and let's give our lives to the universe so it can decide our fate, or, leave me and get going with your life, just don't look back and get stuck in the past.

I really love you James; you are the single most precious and beautiful man that's ever walked on earth, and I am glad that I could have called you mine someday.

Love, Reg.

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ─── ─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ─── ─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───