Rasputin's Online Journal: 2024-2025

November 10th, 2024: Knowing When To Quit

 My girlfriend visited me here in SLO this weekend. She just stayed for a day, but it was a nice visit. She came because she got us tickets to go see The Drums at the Fremont Theater here in SLO. The show was fine; there was a guy there who talked to the two of us. He asked us about our thoughts on The Drums and I told him about how I don't really listen to music which is only partially true.

I used to listen to a lot of music back in highschool. I'd listen to Death Grips; Neutral Milk Hotel; Kanye West; Tyler, The Creator; and lots of other musicians that you would see discussed on 4Chan's /mu/ (music) board. However, sometime around 2020 I stopped listening to music that much. I discovered the podcast Cum Town and I just listened to that most of the time. I would still listen to music, but not as much due to Cum Town taking up more of earphone time and because covid didn't have me traveling as much which is when I'd get my music listening done. When I started the CCC, I started listening to music again but it was more of a passive activity and I was never actually listening to the music. I'd just rather listen to Cum Town.

It wasn't until my backcountry season this year that I had realized how much I loved music. Going so long without music made me realize how much I missed it and valued it. I also read Haruki Murakami's Hard-Boiled Wonderland and The End of the World during my season and realized I should listen to Bob Dylan because the main character spoke so highly of Bob Dylan. I wasn't that big of a fan of Bob Dylan before my season. I had listened to some of Blonde on Blonde before and I didn't get it. I did kind of like "Subterranean Homesick Blues" from Bringing It All Back Home but not enough to turn me into a fan. I got Dylan stuck in my head during my season though and I wanted nothing more than to listen to him when I got back. It's been about a month and a half since I got out of the backcountry and I haven't gotten enough Bob Dylan since.

Anyways, the guy at the concert thought it was weird that I didn't really listen to music. To be fair though, I was buzzed and playing it up a bit. In all honesty, I might be playing it up now, my memory doesn't serve me right and I forget lots of things so my memories are just memories of memories. Plus, I get so committed to doing bits that the bits sometimes replace the memories if that makes sense. I did a bit during my backcountry season about how I "didn't really listen" to music and after a while my crew would call me out on it, because I was fairly knowledgeable about music and various artists. I just didn't like saying that I liked music, because it just wasn't that important to me. There are people who just love music and their lives revolve around it and to me it's just something to help a car ride not feel that long or something to listen to during a walk through your neighborhood.

Anyways, the guy at the concert thought it was weird that I didn't really listen to music (okay, fine I do listen to music) and he gave me a recommendation, The Grateful Dead. I told him how I fell in love with Bob Dylan and he said that was a good place to start.

Once The Drums started performing, my girlfriend and I separated from the guy and went into the pit. I'm not one for dancing and the pit at The Drums show didn't have the people fighting or anything like that; it was just for standing and listening or for dancing. I stood and listened but did calf raises when I was feeling the music. I did calf raises and bobbed my head around because I had so much pent up energy, but no way to really get it out. I wish concerts and shows had treadmills for this very reason. I think I'd find concerts and shows more fun if I could get some cardio in. Anyways, while I was doing the calf raises and bobbing my head, the guy from earlier tapped me on the shoulder and gave me a thumbs up.

I never did get the name of that guy. The twenty-one year old from Arroyo Grande with the mustache and glasses. I wish I did though. I would've liked to have stayed in contact with him. I was afraid to do that. I don't have as much social anxiety as I used to when I was younger, but it still pops out once in a while like it did at The Drums show that night.