Somewhere Only We Know • Ruben Dias

Chapter 50: It's Always Going To Be Him

🎶 Back To You — Selena Gomez 🎶

"Sophia!" Ruben's mum exclaimed happily as I walked through his apartment door with the keys I still had. Had we really ever ended if we were still attached to each other in so many ways?
"My favourite sister-in-law!" Ivan shouted and walked over, wanting to hug me, but I just hurried past everyone in the living room.
"I need a minute" I muttered, heading to our- scrap that, Ruben's bedroom and slamming the door behind me.

Images of me holding baby Ruby as she had just gotten into this world, flashed in front of my eyes as I held my head in my hands. I heard the door clicking and looked up to see Ruben.
"Are you checking up on me because you have to act like a sweet boyfriend in front of your parents or because you actually care?" I snarled.
"What happened?" he asked, not answering my question and just wrapping his arms around me tightly.

But I shoved him away, I couldn't deal with any of this right now.
"Please just... pull up some excuse that I'm feeling sick" I whined.
"Mum will come check up on you every ten minutes if I tell her that" he replied and I threw myself back on the bed.
"I'll be out in 5, just... leave me now" I sighed, rubbing my eyes and he simply nodded before walking out again.

I slowly padded to the bathroom and washed my face, hoping that the guilt of not doing more for a mother and her child would wash off too. Everything here was familiar, I knew where the soap was, the towels, I still had my stuff by the left sink of the two ones in here. I mustered up some courage and took a deep breath before stepping outside to the living room, but I just saw the apartment door being shut close by Ruben.

"Where's your family?" I asked confusedly.
"I sent them to the Greek around the corner, you're clearly not in the mood and I shouldn't have pushed this on you" he replied apologetically and I sat down on the sofas burying my head in my hands. I kept on rewinding the day, trying to figure out my steps, where I missed one, if I should have taken an extra measure.

"What happened today, Soph? Talk to me" Ruben urged as he sat down next to me, putting his arm around my shoulders. I was so worn out that I rested my head on his chest. "Please" he pleaded and I sighed. I was thankful that he had sent his folks away and accepted that he was in the wrong about not telling them the whole story, and right now, that he was being here for me, wanting to listen and to comfort me.

"Remember I told you about my first boyfriend Matt?" I asked and he looked at me surprisedly.
"The one with whom you were having sex when your mum walked in?" he asked, making me laugh a bit at the memory.
"Yeah, him" I replied. "His wife came in today to deliver a baby, well... I didn't know it was his wife until he showed up, anyways... long story short, she died and the baby died" I sniffled, wiping my nose. Ruben quickly stood up and fetched me some tissues with which I cleaned my nose and dried the tears that were rolling down my cheeks.

"And long story long? Open up to me, Soph, please" he almost begged, desperately wanting to show me that he was there for me.
"The baby's heart rate was elevated during labour, maybe I should have gotten it out earlier via C-section, then we would have caught its heart defect a bit earlier, I don't know. The baby had surgery immediately after delivery but didn't make it, it's hard to say if half an hour more would have changed its fate" I explained, overthinking every action and decision of mine.

"And the mother... I don't know, there was no attending, I was completely on my own, it was a busy day... Maybe I should have read her patient history more carefully, I could have gotten clues from her labs, I missed her conditions completely, she bled out in front of me in the OR" I full-on cried now, brabbling frantically with Ruben holding me tightly. "I'm so sorry" I apologised for I don't even know what.

"This doesn't undermine you as a doctor, Soph. You're great. Think about how many healthy babies you delivered that went home with their healthy mums. Things like these happen, especially the longer your career goes. And it won't be the last one you'll lose, you can't save them all" he tried to encourage me and I had to stifle a small laugh.
"You make me sound like a goalkeeper" I chuckled and he laughed too.
"You're the Neuer of baby-delivering, but even he failed to have clean sheets every game" he replied, looking at me... proudly?

"Thanks for cheering me up... I'm sorry about your family, you should go and join them" I sighed.
"Nope. I've cooked already and you need to eat after the day you had" he said and stood up to set our plates.
"You really don't need to-" I started again, but he wasn't having it.
"Shut up" he joked. "Here, drink a glass of wine" he said and poured it almost full to the brim, making me laugh.

"I'll tell my parents later that we're not together. I'm sorry I dragged you into my mess just because I'm a whiny coward" he said sincerely as we were eating the superb fish he had cooked. He always claimed he was an average cook, but really, he was great - it was probably his Southern genes. There was a weird tension now between us, because I guess we both wanted to get back together again, but he wanted me to take the initiative and I was still being hesitant about it.

"I'm coming with. I like your family and I could need the distraction... No unnecessary declarations, just... let me get my mind off work" I told Ruben as I had finished up my plate.
"You sure?" he asked. "I mean, there's nothing I want more than having you with me but I don't want to push you or make you feel pressured in any way" he repeated again and I rolled my eyes.
"I told you that I want to go, just let it be" I huffed and he nodded before we cleaned up the table and the kitchen.

As we were putting on our jackets, I suddenly felt his hand grab my waist and turning me around to face him.
"I love you, Soph. Nothing's ever changed that" he said sincerely, looking me straight in the eyes.
"You don't need to only tell me that, I want to see actions" I replied sternly and he nodded.
"I know. I'm all in. I almost lost you once, I'm not going to risk that again" he said and I nodded, pressing my lips together.
"Good. Let's go" I said decidedly and we made our way to the Greek restaurant around the corner.

Ruben's parents and brother were in the middle of the main course when we arrived at their table and everyone quickly scooted over to make some space for us in the booth.
"I'm glad you could join us, I'm sorry about your day... Whatever it was, it must have been hard" Bernardete said and smiled at me.
"Thanks. But right now I just want to be distracted so let's resume on you guys telling me all the embarrassing Ruben childhood stories" I chuckled, with Ruben throwing his hands in the air defeatedly and everyone else laughing.

"He did mess up big time, right?" Joao murmured to me during dessert, while Ruben, his brother and his mother were arguing about who of the two boys had been the one to hide her wedding necklace fifteen years ago that she had never been able to find again.
"He did, but... I guess all men do. You just have to decide at some point if the life with him is better than the one without him" I sighed.
"Welcome to marriage" he chuckled and I smiled before looking at Ruben. Well, hello, future husband.