brain & heart; a book of poems (poetry book)

my decision

i called you to my house the other night,

my heart was beating rapidly and my chest felt tight.

you greeted me warmly, with an embrace and a kiss,

no idea in your mind that i would become someone you miss.

we shared a drink between a laugh where we pulled and tugged,

wrapped in your arms for another hug.

then there we were there, with me on your lap,

and little did you know that there'd soon be a gap.

i couldn't speak my mind with you so close,

and there was something i needed to say which you could diagnose.

i told you that what i wanted was more than we had,

that i wanted to be your girlfriend, that my patience had gone bad.

i told you that if we continued to hangout and meet this way,

that i would fall in love with you at any given day.

you pulled me back into your arms, and told me in your heart you were in love with me a bit,

but that you could feel that you were not ready to commit.

so i gathered all of my strength and told you this was the end,

you asked me to wait till you were ready and at least be your friend.

but i told you no contact would be the only way,

and for the next hour you asked me to stay.

despite this, i held my ground,

we had our last night and you left without a sound.

you don't want to lose me and neither do i,

you told me you were going to do everything to try.

i told you to think of it as i'm going on a trip and waiting for you to meet me there,

so you said you would hurry and start to prepare.

it has been two days now, you texted and said not talking already hurts,

and i didn't see your message because i turned off your alerts.

but before i went to bed, i wanted to clear your head,

i know... it's not any easier for me. i'm just trying to do what's best for us both :(

my message to you said.