Mari: Year One [Completed]

Chapter Fourteen: ...Weighed Against The Horror Of Non Being

They laid in bed, fully satisfied, Mari felt lighter, while Jessamine felt more confident at being able to satisfy her lover that way. A few minutes passed in their silent embrace, when Mari suddenly spoke out in the darkness.

"I'm afraid." she said quietly, almost childlike, very different from her usual tone.

"Of what?" Jessamine asked, instantly alerted.

"Of losing all of this."

"Why would you lose all of this?"

"Because of myself, because I tend to make mistakes, because I tend to lose myself often." Mari continued, her voice nearly breaking, which tore Jessamine's heart in two. She was used to Mari having an air of confidence around herself, but this, this was something new.

"You don't make mistakes, Mari. You've been doing fine all this time, haven't you? No parents, all by yourself." Jessamine said now, trying to think of all the things she knows, but found nothing else.

"My mom sold me when I was a child." Mari said darkly, and Jessamine's heart went out to her.

"She gave me something that I did not ask for, she said it was to ensure that I got to live on, yet all those times, I haven't felt what it is like to live. Not until I met you." Mari said honestly.

"Now I am afraid that I could turn back into that version of myself, because it always does, no matter how hard I try to fight it, it will always bring me back." Mari continued.

Jessamine listened, her heart hurting, astounded and shocked at what she was hearing, and the mere fact that Mari was peeling back all of her walls.

"I always do that, I always run off into the unknown never to return, but now, I want to stay here. With you. Because... I love you." Mari said honestly and Jessamine's tears fell.

"You do...?" she asked, "And I... lo–" But Mari cut her off, putting a finger on Jessamine's lips.

"Do not say it, not yet, give me a moment to show you." Mari said, getting up from the bed.

"Jessamine, I am not human." Mari said now, "I am something else... a being that is eternally bound to this world, to walk its shadows until it inevitably implodes or maybe until humanity finally crosses the line and ends it themselves."

"I am a creature of the dark..." Mari muttered, the voice in her head started to grow restless, warning her and telling her to pull back, but she paid it no heed while Jessamine stared at her dumbfounded.

"I am both human and monster." Mari admitted, and her bones started to crack as she contorted and twisted, to Jessamine's shock, she nearly reached out to her as Mari hissed in pain at the transformation.

Mari's form turned into something grotesque, horrible and bestial to the human eye. Something that would repulse and strike fear into the hearts of anyone, yet she stood there, her head lowered awaiting judgment from Jessamine.

"This is my part of my life." she said in a transformed voice, more beastlike, "I tried to quell this hunger for years, yet it only turned me into something more deranged. In the stupidity of it all, I told myself that I would only feed on the humans who deserve to be killed, that does not absolve me of my sins, it makes me worse."

"Mari..." Jessamine said in utter shock, "This is you...?"

"No, this is part of me, I am both the woman you see each day, and I am also this." Mari answered sadly.

"You feed on people...?" Jessamine asked.

"Yes."

"Why didn't you feed on me?"

"It was tempting at first, especially when you insisted on being around me. I kept my distance from other people because it was like standing next to a barbeque grill. But you kept going, you kept insisting to be with me and it eventually wore me down and made me see that I too craved the connections that you seek from me."

"I see..." Jessamine muttered, her face went through different emotions in a short amount of time, shock, despair, pity, empathy and many more.

"I'm sorry. I wanted to keep this from you, but with you being constantly around me, I told myself that maybe, just maybe, if I could tell you then it would be easier for me..."

"Don't be sorry, Mari. You didn't choose this, this is what your mother sold you for?"

"Yes, she traded her soul in order to grant me immortality, without realizing that it had its own set of catches. It turned me into a flesh eating creature, when starved of human flesh, I would lose control and turn into this."

"I'm sorry..." Jessamine said now, approaching Mari, who immediately took a step back.

"Don't be." Mari answered sadly.

She groaned once more as her bones started to pop again, reforming her back into her original self.

Mari lay there on the floor, shuddering, in pain.

Jessamine reached out for her and tried to get her to bed, where she stayed beside Mari who slept through the night.

–

Jessamine woke up alone, on Mari's position was a handwritten note that simply wrote: I'm sorry.

Jessamine's tears fell, as she held the note close to her, realizing that Mari had vanished from her life.

"I love you too, you dipshit." Jessamine said to no one in particular, the silence of Mari's apartment haunted her.