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Onika Maraj April 4
We were all pretty fucked up at this point—probably me more than them. They were playing a game of drunk Uno, which I don't know why, because they didn't need any more to drink.
I was watching them, wrapped up in Beyoncé's arms while they played. I was trying to focus my vision... when I get drunk, my eyes get so damn blurry.
"Bitch, goooo," Kelly slurred to Beyoncé.
"Girl, I'm going! You don't give bitches enough time to think about their next move," Beyoncé said. I looked at her hand. "Which one you want me to throw?"
I pointed to the Draw Four. "That one."
"Aye, Nicki, stop helping her old ass," Rihanna joked, and we all laughed. "Never mind, Grandma probably can't see."
"Robyn, you're literally a year younger than me—we'll be in the same nursing home together," Beyoncé said, throwing down the Draw Four card.
"Damn, Kelly, pick up four and drink those two shots, boo," I laughed, and she shook her head, picking up her cards.
"I am done with this game..." she slurred before taking her two shots.
"And Nicki, why are we still drinking and you're not?" India asked, and everyone turned to me, agreeing—even Beyoncé's messy ass.
"Because I'm not playing, y'all are."
"You can help us finish this bottle," Rihanna said, pouring a shot for me and sliding it over my way. Now, how did I get roped into this?
"I guess," I groaned and leaned up from Beyoncé to grab the shot.
I knew I was drunk because I reached for it with my right hand, which was a bad idea. I couldn't grip it, and I ended up spilling it, the glass slipping from my hand.
"Fuck," I muttered, frustrated.
Embarrassment and anger washed over me, and before I knew it, I felt tears welling up in my eyes. This was stressful.
"Baby, it's okay," Beyoncé murmured, her voice soft.
"Onika..." India began, but I sniffed, quickly getting up and heading to my room.
I'm twenty-two—too young to be going through something like this. Yes, my hand is making progress, but I shouldn't be in this situation anyway.
I sat on my bed, trying to squeeze my hand. I got frustrated and looked up, sighing before I started hyperventilating. I didn't even hear anybody come in, but I felt a dip on my bed.
I was struggling to catch my breath, my hands trembling. India was right beside me, holding my hand firmly, guiding me to squeeze and release.
"Look at me, Nicki," she said softly, tilting my face toward hers, her voice calm and steady. "You're okay. Just breathe with me."
