Hadassah

caught

I wandered outside, needing a few minutes to breathe. Everything felt so tense lately, like each step had to be planned and every glance was a risk. The air was cold, sharper than usual, as I stepped further into the quiet. I was only going to be out for a minute.

Then I heard footsteps. Quick, deliberate footsteps coming toward me. I froze, realizing I’d wandered too far. Before I knew it, hands were gripping my arms hard, pulling me backward. I tried to fight, twisting and thrashing, but they were strong. “Let me go!” I yelled, panic rising.

They shoved me into a vehicle, locking me in, and we drove for what felt like forever until we reached a camp. The gates loomed up, tall and covered with barbed wire. A guard led me out, barely looking at me as they dragged me to a cold, gray cell. I struggled against them the whole way, but it was no use. They locked the door behind me, and I was alone.

I looked around the cell, my heart pounding. The walls were bare, and there was nothing but a narrow cot in the corner. Everything felt wrong, like the air was thicker in here, pressing down on me.

Without thinking, I began to scream the Shema at the top of my lungs, the words pouring out in a rush, desperate and loud: “Shema Yisrael Adonai Eloheinu Adonai Echad!”

I kept going, the words steadying me even as my voice shook. In that moment, the words felt like my only shield.

I stayed there, pressed against the back wall, my body tense and shaking. The guards hadn’t said a word to me. They hadn’t even looked at me, really—just dragged me out of the only safe place we had left. I kept seeing Pops, Dad, and Coach fighting, trying so hard to reach me, yelling my name. I could still feel Dad’s grip slipping from mine as the guards pulled me away. I’d been shouting for them, but my voice was swallowed by the chaos. I wondered if they were okay. Were they even still fighting?

I shook my head, trying to push away the thought. I couldn’t let myself go there. Not yet.

I ran my fingers over my arm, tracing the bruises already forming where they had grabbed me. The cell was so cold, every breath felt sharp in my throat. The gray walls seemed to close in, making everything feel smaller. I felt like I was shrinking, like I could disappear completely and no one would even know I was here.

I clenched my fists, trying to steady myself. The words of the Shema came into my mind, the only thing that felt even a little bit familiar. My voice shook, but I started whispering the prayer, my words quiet but steady, like I was holding onto them with everything I had left.

“Shema Yisrael Adonai Eloheinu Adonai Echad…”

It came out louder this time, echoing off the walls. I kept saying it, over and over, letting it fill the room. My voice grew stronger, each word coming out with more force. It was like if I said it loud enough, they couldn’t take it from me.

The door banged open, and a guard stomped in. “Quiet down,” he snapped, glaring at me.

I looked him straight in the eyes, my heart pounding. But I didn’t stop. The words kept coming out, like they had a life of their own. It felt like I was shouting with everything inside me, all the fear and anger spilling out into those words.

“Shema Yisrael Adonai Eloheinu Adonai Echad!”

The guard muttered something under his breath and slammed the door shut, leaving me alone again. But I didn’t care. I was still here, and so were the words. They hadn’t taken them away from me.

In that moment, it was like I could feel Pops, Dad, and Coach with me, their faces clear in my mind. I imagined them fighting for me, trying to find a way to get me back. I clung to that thought, wrapping it around me like a shield.