The (Not so amazing) adventures of Max

Thirtieth Entry: Crying Over Nothing

Thursday, October 12

I don't know what's wrong with me today. Honestly, I don't. I've been feeling like I'm stuck in a constant loop of failure, and it's wearing me down more than I expected. It sounds ridiculous, I know, but I found myself in the middle of history class, just staring at my desk, when it hit me—out of nowhere.

I could feel my eyes starting to water, and before I could even stop myself, I was blinking way too much and trying to cover it up with the excuse of, "Uh, dust in my eye." But I'm not fooling anyone.

I kept telling myself, "It's just a dance, Max. Get it together." But the thought of being alone on Friday, watching everyone else have fun, while I'm stuck in my room playing Halo with the guys? It hit harder than I expected. Maybe I'd get over it if I'd had a shot at asking someone, or if everything hadn't gone wrong every time I tried. It's like the universe really just doesn't want me to have any luck.

I know I've been saying I'll just "stay home and game," but part of me—like a really stupid part—really wanted to have a chance at that stupid dance. I wanted to prove to myself that I could do it. But now I'm sitting here, feeling like a complete idiot, crying in the middle of class like a giant loser.

I guess I'll have to just deal with it. Maybe tomorrow I'll try again. But honestly? Right now, I'm just so tired.