Constant

Chapter 21

I believed her. I had no reason not to. It confirmed everything I now come to believe about Lumenoil and the Light. I had no business being there, and I would never go back. But what about the scholarship? The promise of a future? No. I had to find my future elsewhere. If I got their scholarship, I would be indebted to them forever. Now, I just needed to get Mom out as well, before... before what? They got to her, too? I had a feeling it was too late. Although, I didn't know exactly how far deep into the rabbit hole she had gone. Was she simply in Lumenoil—or had she entered the Light as well? She had never attended a gathering, which was only for the Light, so hopefully she was just deep down in the business side of things. That fact would probably make it easier to get her out; they didn't have the same claws sunk into her. Or did they?

I sat alone at home in my room, watching a scary movie, trying to distinguish different kinds of fear. Watching a scary movie was a good kind of fear, making your heart race, your inside twist and your mind going blank... until the movie was over, and all you were left with was an endorphin high, because there wasn't anything real to hurt you. Unlike the bad kind of fear that never lets you go, even when you should be safe. I paid little attention to the movie, instead I pondered everything I knew about the Light. Greta didn't seem to be a fan of the community either, so maybe she could give me some answers. But that meant I had to return there. Every plan ended up with me going back...

A sudden knock on the window made me shriek. Watching scary movies—and living them—was making me jumpy. I looked toward the window, seeing a familiar figure. I got out of bed and walked over to the window, pushing it open and stepping aside so Ben could climb inside.

"What are you doing here?" I asked. "And you're soaked."

Ben shook his head like a dog, spraying water everywhere.

"It's raining," he said.

"I can see that," I said, pushing the window closed. He had deep circles under his eyes. I hated I felt sorry for him. "I guess you had nowhere else to go?"

"Yeah, pretty much," he said. "Can I borrow a towel?" I grabbed one from the bathroom and handed it to him, and he tried drying himself off.

"Mom is in Baltimore," I said. "So you're safe here until tomorrow."

"Good to know," he said.

I got into bed, turning off the movie that was still playing on my laptop.

"What were you watching?" he asked. "You looked terrified."

I glanced at the computer, shrugging. "Don't remember the name of it," I said.

"What was it about?" I opened my mouth, then closed it. I shrugged. "I guess I'm not the only one distracted," he said.

He sat down on my desk chair, resting his ankle on his knee. His leg bounced up and down. It became clear that I wasn't the only one fighting inner battles. He didn't sit for long, instead he stood up and started pacing back and forth. I remained quiet, letting him get to wherever he needed to go.

He stopped pacing, staring at something under my bed. He crouched and pulled out the box with Lumenoil products and the note from the Kellers.

"You really use this stuff?" he asked, frowning.

I shook my head. "No, but my mom swears by them. I don't, though. I hate it, actually."

"Good," he said. "Lumenoil's a mess."

"Speaking from experience?"

He half-shrugged. "Not really, but I know people who have been involved and almost had their lives destroyed." My heart sank.

"Care to tell me more?" I asked. He shook his head.

"Not my story to tell," he said. "Sorry."

I nodded in understanding.

"So, what story can you tell me, then? Like, why are Ty and Joyce shutting you out?"

He dragged his hands through his hair, a loud sigh escaping him.

"Because I won't change," he said, after a moment of silence.

"Change? How? Why?" I asked.

"The accident." I looked at him strangely, not really understanding. He sighed again at my confusion. "They think I need to change my attitude because I hit you, and basically become your best friend, but you know what? I don't agree."

"I don't either," I said.

"Thank you," he said, sitting down again. "We're good?"

"I've told you before, yeah, we're good."

"Thank you, Penguin."

I rolled my eyes. "Still with the nicknames."

He swirled around on the chair and started picking at the things on my desk. He found a deck of cards and swirled back around. "Wanna play?" he asked.

"Yeah, sure. It's not like I have anything better to do."

A phone ringing woke me up, but I didn't recognize the ringtone. I grabbed my phone, but the screen was black. I turned around in bed, seeing Ben asleep beside me. We played cards for several hours, and we even brought out my old Monopoly, until we couldn't keep our eyes open anymore, and we both lay down on my bed, falling asleep.

"Ben, your phone is ringing," I said, nudging him. He groaned, and pulled out his phone, looking at the screen. He muttered something under his breath and then declined the call.

"Mom," he muttered. "As if she'd care where I'm at."

"At least your mother calls you," I said. "My mom disappears for days on end without a notice or call. I'm alone most of the time. It sucks."

"My mom cares a little too much," he complained. "I'd be fine with her leaving."

I sat up, wiggling my fingers and feeling them ache. My arm must have been laying in a strange position all night. My bed wasn't built for two.

Ben sat up, yawning. "Shit, it's ten a.m," he said. "Damn it. School." He quickly got up, looking around for his things. "Mom will kill me."

"I thought you said your mom didn't care," I noted. "My mom barely cares about me going to school anymore. She's off living the Lumenoil dream, wanting me to join her."

Ben looked at me, pity clear in his eyes.

"I'm sorry, Scarecrow," he said.

I rolled my eyes. "Stop it with the name-calling," I complained.

"I'm really trying here," he replied, and I knew he wasn't talking about the nicknames.

"Yeah, and you might need to try a little harder. You have been nothing but a menace ever since I moved here."

He half-smiled. "I don't know you," he said, turning around. "I really know nothing about you. I want to, but you're making it very fucking hard."

"Is this because of the accident? Because you think you owe me something?" I asked. He shook his head.

"No, the accident just complicated things. Because now, people will think I'm trying to befriend you because of what happened. Why do you think I come to you at night and not at school? I don't want people to get the wrong idea," he explained.

I furrowed my brows. "You're serious," I concluded, sensing nothing but sincerity in his voice. He nodded.

"Yeah, I am."

"Well, okay then," I said, feeling confused. "What does this... mean? Are we like... trying to be friends?"

He scratched his neck, shrugging. "I don't know. Our banter back and forth was our thing, but I grew tired of it real damn quick, but I just didn't know how to stop... it was the only way to get your attention."

"Wow, you must really have been bored if my attention was something to crave," I replied with a huff.

"Maybe, but that's how it is." He turned toward the window. "I guess I should leave," he said. "See you... not at school." He smirked, before disappearing.