How Much Is Too Much

CHAPTER 8: Thoughts. Action. Regret?

After her talk with Amelia, Carina decided that she needed to take a step back from the confusion, and worrying about what Maya may or may not feel was not going to be something she could do anything about. Avoiding her, and making her feel like crap though, that she can help.

Above all, she is her best friend, and that will come first, and you don't treat your friends that way, so she resolved to do better, to be better. Instead, deciding to use the time spent around Maya to be as natural as possible, not overthink things or shy away from their usual tactile natures.

Hoping that through all of this that she will start to make sense of her feelings. Of all the things Carina could be classed as, stupid is not on the list, neither is oblivious. And so sure, she can admit - quietly and to herself only - that maybe Maya starting to date has caused some... Reactionary feelings in her, but a bigger question than what the feelings may be, is why is she having them?

Why now? Why Maya? And What do they mean? Rationally, Carina is putting it down to loneliness and the concern that if Maya gets serious with someone, she will have less time for Carina... Maybe eventually move out and get married... And sure, that makes logical sense it's about relying on Maya as her support system, now more than ever.

BUT, on the other hand a true friend would be able to get over themselves and their worries to see their best friend happy. And Carina couldn't seem to do that, struggling more with the idea of Maya being with someone else than she has logical reason to do.

So, that's where Carina was at right now... Knowing she needs to spend time with Maya, trying to get back to the flow of their dynamic. Get back to how things were before all of these crazy suggestions broke her brain and she started avoiding the other woman and putting barriers between them, all the while hoping and praying that the answer as to her own feelings and what they mean will magically appear to her.

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Today, Carina had decided she wanted to decorate the nursery. Although she decided she didn't want to know the sex of the baby that wasn't going to stop her from decorating the nursery. And in all honesty she never brought into the whole blue for a boy, pink for a girl archaic thought. Even if she did know the sex she would still decorate in a gender neutral palette.

And in the spirit of not avoiding Maya or being weird she asked if she would like to help, which she enthusiastically agreed to do. So Carina got up early, excited to see the plans she had for the nursery come to life, and even more excited for Maya to see what she had planned.

Although now she thinks about it, why should Maya's feelings on HER child's nursery make any difference... It's not like it's their child. Those thoughts though, they stir up something. Something she can't put her finger on, something she isn't exactly comfortable with, but at the same time not something she is exactly uncomfortable with.

She walks up and down the aisles of the home depot store as she picks out the items she needs, and adds them into the cart, almost absentmindedly as her thoughts flicker back and forth between what she wants to focus on - the nursery, and what she can't seem to stop thinking about - Maya.

She sighs softly, as she shakes her head at her own inability to keep her thoughts to the task at hand as she wanders through the paint aisle looking for the right colours. Eventually deciding she has everything she needs she heads to the check out paying for everything before loading her trunk up and heading home.

As she pulls out of the parking lot, she calls Maya, listening impatiently for the ringing to be replaced with Maya's voice. "Hey!" She hears, smiling widely.

"Hey, yourself. So I have everything I need and am on the way home. Are you still good to help with the actual decorating?" She checks.

Maya chuckles softly. "Not only am I still good to help, I am PUMPED! I love decorating." She says. "And the fact it's for the little probie... Well, all the better." She says happily.