Scars & Flowercrowns // l.s AU

|| Chapter 7 ||

**Louis' POV**

Stupid Harry. I bet he thought we'd be all chummy now that he's been in my house and met my family. Just because I saw him all vulnerable and hurt he thought he'd be able to change my opinion and the way I act towards him. Yeah right. He deserves what he gets. It's his fault for being a homo. That's what my dad would say. That's what my dad said before he left and the night I told him I thought I had a crush on one of my mates. I disgust myself thinking about it. It's my fault dad left.

*Flashback to when Louis was 15*

Louis walked down the stairs slowly trying to delay what he was about to do for as long as possible. His heart pounded in his chest as he tried to control his breathing. A million different reactions to his news flew and buzzed around his brain. Only a few were somewhat positive.

He entered the lounge room to find his dad lounged on the couch, sipping a beer, typically, and watching the news. Louis sat down next to him timidly, "Dad I-"

"Jesus, Louis, wait a minute! Can't you see I'm watching something?" His dad snapped.

Louis flinched and retracted himself slightly. He waited patiently and nervously for the ad break to come on. When the outro music played and his father turned to him expectantly he took a deep breath and proceeded, "Dad, I think I have a crush on someone," He spoke shyly.

"Really? That's wonderful. Who is she?" His father questioned.

"Well, that's the thing, Dad, it's a he," Louis revealed.

"What?"

"It's a boy, Dad, I think I like a boy."

A sharp 'smack' sounded through the lounge room as Louis was slapped in the side of his face by his father. A sharp and painful tingle was left where the hand struck. Louis was shocked. Out of all the reactions, this was not on his top 10.

"Don't you ever say that again, Louis. Faggots don't belong in this world and no son of mine will be one. If I ever hear or see you do anything slightly gay I will beat it out of you so hard and then ship you off to a help-camp for good measure. I will not have a disease-infested faggot living under my roof. Do you understand me? Being gay is wrong, Louis. It's not something the world was intended for! You hear me, boy? You stay away from anyone gay too. I don't want them infecting you! You bring shame to me for even thinking such things! Disgusting! I don't want to hear anything like that again! Now go get me another beer, then get out of my sight for the rest of the night!"

Louis nodded and got up and out of the lounge room, fetching his father's alcohol from the fridge then retreating to his room.

All he wanted was his father's acceptance. He never knew that being gay was wrong. He had never hit Louis or laid a hand on him at all, so if this confession made to his father caused him to hit Louis, then it must be serious! And despite his father's drinking problem, he really looked up to him as a role model and leader. Sober, he was a good man and did good in the world in Louis' eyes. So if his father thought being gay was wrong, disgusting and not what the world intended, then he must be right, right? Well, ever since that night that's what Louis made himself believe.

It was only a month after this night when his dad stormed out of the house, yelling and screaming about having a gay son and that he was never coming back. Louis didn't understand. He stopped liking boys. Well, he tried. Couldn't his dad see that?

His mother was devastated. She was a weeping mess in the kitchen. Louis could hear her all the way in his room. It was his fault. All his fault. He had to try harder. He couldn't have these confusing feelings anymore. Being gay was wrong. Homos are an abomination to the world. These were the things he'd tell himself everyday. He's constantly remind himself that being homo was so wrong that it made his father leave. And when he'd catch himself thinking, doing, wearing anything slightly homo, he'd dig out the sharp metal razor from the bottom of his sock draw and punish himself. This was how Louis lived for years.