Against The Tide

101: Cards Laid Bare

Najah's head throbbed as she rested it on her desk, her eyes red and swollen. The last time she had felt so raw and vulnerable was when Hajiya had passed away.

She hadn't noticed Halima's presence in the room until the gentle sound of her voice broke through the silence. "Najah, are you okay?" She asked, her voice laced with concern. "What happened?"

Najah looked up, her eyes welling up with unshed tears. "I'm not," she admitted, her voice barely a whisper. "I'm not okay, Halima. I don't think I will ever be."

Halima walked over to Najah, wrapping her arms around her. "What's wrong, Najah? What did he say to you? I saw him leaving the foundation just now, that's why I'm here."

Najah's sobs intensified as she tried to articulate her pain. "It's over, Halima. It's truly over now."

"What do you mean, Najah?" Halima asked, confused. "What's over?"

"I pushed him away, Halima," Najah cried. "For good."

"You still love him," Halima stated.

Najah nodded, unable to deny the truth any longer. She was tired of lying to herself.

"Tell me everything," Halima urged, her hand resting gently on Najah's arm. "How are you feeling right now?"

"It feels like I can't breathe, Halima," she choked back a sob. "It's so painful. I wanted to run back to him but I couldn't. I couldn't do it because by clinging to a love that was conditional and unbalanced, I'm not doing justice for myself. I deserve better."

Halima nodded understandingly. "Definitely. You deserve a love that is unconditional...a love that lifts you up, not one that drags you down."

"He loves Afrah more than he ever loved me," Najah continued, her voice breaking. "I know how much I suffered silently. I can't go back to that."

"But how can you be so sure that he loves her more?" Halima asked, seeking clarity.

"I lived with them. I saw everything. I have never seen or heard of a love that deep, a love I could only dream of. She has him on a hold. I just can't explain it with words. All I can say is that he's not capable of loving anyone more than Afrah. Not even himself. He was hers, body and soul. He even went to extreme lengths to keep her, refusing to grant her divorce and even resorting to confining her in her room. But when it came to me, he didn't even try that hard. I know I initiated the divorce but he didn't do much to stop it. Going back to him would mean accepting a life of mediocrity, of forever being a second fiddle."

Halima nodded again, pulling Najah into a comforting side embrace. "Don't settle for less. Never settle."

Najah's tears flowed freely as she confessed. "It's just so painful. I thought I had completely moved on from him, but I haven't. Why is this happening to me?"

"You made the right decision," halima reassured her. "Acknowledge the pain, but don't let it consume you. Remember who you are and how far you've come. It's time to let go."

Najah nodded, wiping her tears. "I will get him out of my heart."

"That's the spirit."

"I think I'll go home. I can't see any client today."

"You should," Halima agreed. "Take today off but don't be too hard on yourself. Will you be fine?"

"I'll be fine tomorrow," Najah assured her. "See you tomorrow," she said, picking her bag and walking out of the office.

As she walked out of the building, her mind raced, replaying Jameel's words. He had indeed given up. It hurt her a lot even though she knew she was never going to give him a second chance. Her hunch had been right. He never loved her. What he had for her was pity.