How To Say "I Love You"

Chapter Three: Love and Leave- Both.

Indi:

I woke with a cramp in my left arm. The room was dark, cars sped past, their lights creating yellow squares on the wall that raced faster than my heart in a game of British Bulldogs, but nothing compared to how I nearly fell out of bed from a heart attack when I saw why I had a fat cramp in my arm. After Mum, Dad and Yasmin had all been in to see me, they went home, taking Zane with them, leaving just me and Tanner. It had been awkwardly silent, because of what I said in the ambo, until Sienna had texted me, saying I should probably sleep the rest of the amnesia off. She'd added that she and Narelle were on their way to pick up Tanner, so I'd gone to sleep. Now I was very much awake, and the cramp in my arm was tightening. He was fast asleep in the recliner the hospital had put by the bed, and his hand was holding mine. I checked the time. 11:30pm. Sienna wouldn't be in bed. I texted her, struggling with one hand. Sienna. I just woke up and he's here, and I've got a huge cramp in my arm because he's holding my hand while he's asleep. I wrote. I didn't have to wait long, it seemed like Sienna had been on her phone. Oops. Ok, hear me out. It wasn't me. He didn't want to leave. There was no way Mum, or I could have made him budge. I sighed. Sienna was right. He really didn't cheat with Charlotte. The pit in my stomach opened, and the guilt hit me again like a road train. I pulled my hand away and curled into a ball, crying. I cried with guilt, pain, for Tanner. For leaving him alone out of my own paranoia. I was a horrible person. There was a discharge note on the clipboard at the end of my bed; Isabel had discharged me but said it was best if I stay overnight, for monitoring. I was free to go. I got out of bed, and slid into my Falcons jacket, the one I'd worn to the oval, and pushed my feet into my TN's. I grabbed my phone and opened the door, looking back at Tanner. Then I left, shutting the door a little harder than I had planned. I ran home. The dizziness and amnesia were gone, and for the first time since Charlotte came and demolished my definition of normal, running felt like home again. I was myself, the only thing stopping me was the still-unspeaking relationship that was me and him.

Tanner:

I jolted. What had woken me? The not-so-silent silent-shutting hospital door of Indi's room. She was gone. I felt like kicking something and crying at the same time. And I had not cried since Pop died in Year 8. I'd come close when Indi rang me the night after Charlotte Wilson rained on everyone in our group's parade, but still. It was a record. I stood up. I had to find her. There was a chance she'd run home; Thompson Court was only two blocks away, but it was midnight, and Newtown got sketchy after dark. As I stepped into the eerie quiet of South Street, I pulled out my phone and rang her. My hand shook as I held it to my ear. 1 ring. It was freezing, a classic Geelong winter night. 2 rings. Then silence. I waited for her to speak. Hi, this is Indi Duursma- fuck off Zane, I'm trying to do something- I'm sorry if I've missed you, I'll ring you back when I have time. It was her voicemail. I sighed. She probably hated me. it was my fault, that we weren't together, and if I was honest, I didn't know how to fix it. The call beeped, and I took a shaky breath. 'Indi, where are you? Come back. Please, you can't just leave like that,' my voice was a whisper by the end. It sounded like the message I'd left her after she'd hung up that night, but she really couldn't just up and leave. I broke into a run as I turned down Aphrasia. I needed to find her. If her amnesia hit again and she got lost, Zane was gonna murder me.

Indi:

On Thompson Court, I stopped and opened my phone. One missed call and a voicemail. From someone I really didn't want to have called. Tanner. I weighed my options. Call him, or text. Neither really made me feel like I'd fix things, but I texted him anyway. Leave me alone. It felt harsh. I walked round the back; Mum and Dad would be able to hear me if I went through the front door. As I opened my bedroom door, my phone lit up. Why did you leave? I scowled and typed back. Because I needed to leave. I couldn't be there anymore. I had to get out. I fell onto my bed. His face smiled up at me on the messages, taken at his 17th birthday party, him and Zane half drunk on Coke and lemonade. You could have died, Indi. I sighed. Just stop already. I was fine and I am. You can stop caring about me. I threw my phone down onto my bed and curled up. My phone blew up for the next hour, but I ignored it.

I'm not going to do that. You know that.

Indi, stop ignoring me.

You know the story stop acting like it was my idea.

I didn't do it. You know it too.

Please Indi. Answer me.

Ok then.

Bye.

After that everything went quiet. The sun was only just up. I stood. I needed to get out, be away for a while. Kardinia. Kardinia was my solution. I left my phone on my bed and ran.