How To Say "I Love You"

Chapter Two: Little Miss Mental Issues- Indi.

Eventually, the guilt got to me. Big time. My game started dropping, and not even Sienna could bring me back. I cried every day, a rare thing, because before this, Indiana Duursma never cried. I was losing myself. I slept next to none, dropped my grades. I just didn't care. I was barely holding on, but the string frayed more when Charlotte came up to us on the way to English. 'Hey, girls,' her voice was fake. I tried to ignore her, but Sienna spoke first. 'Fuck off,' she said. Charlotte smiled.

'I see we're a little touchy today. Sienna, I don't think being with this junkie over here is doing you any good. You should take a break,' she said. There she went again. Winner of the Miss. Lies pageant. Sienna sneered. 'She's not a junkie. The only junkie here is you, and you feed off people's pain like a goddamn leech,' she hissed. Charlotte looked minorly offended.

'Exactly my point. It's getting to you.' she said. I scowled.

'The only thing getting to her is your attitude, so we'll take the chance and leave before it gets worse,' I said, turning to leave. Charlotte scoffed.

'Oh, shut up. Can you hear yourself? All I can hear is a four-year-old whining because she's not getting her way,' Sienna's tone dropped to a deadly hiss. I turned back. Charlotte looked as if she was about to hit something. And she did. Or rather, punched. 'I'll take it out on Little Miss. Mental Issues,' she said. Sienna's eyes burned. 'You're being a bitch. Grow up,' she spelled it out, deliberately, slowly. Charlotte's fist connected with my left temple, and I saw Sienna's face, covered with pure shock. Black spots blurred my vision, and a voice so faint it sounded like it was in my head, instead of right in front of me, laughed, a manic sound to my dizziness. Sienna's voice next to me, a little clearer, but all I could think about was him. 'Indi, I'm sorry. Are you ok?' she asked. I nodded, tears falling down my cheeks. I was broken.

I took my pain out on a Sherrin. I spent over three hours on the Queens Park oval, booting goal after goal until the seam of the footy literally split. I leant against the left point post, holding my head. Sinking to the line, I picked at a thread loose from the split seam. My head was killing me, most likely from the blow, but I ignored it. I leant my head back against the goal post. My airpods blared Jamie Miller's Broken Memories, thoughts flashed through my head at rapid speed, then I blacked out.

***

My phone rang countless times, Mum, Dad, Zane, Yazzie, Sienna, even Tanner. I didn't know. How could I? I was passed out on the oval, going on 1 minute. 2. 3. Mum wasn't trying to stress. She was panicking. Zane and Tanner had split with Sienna and Yasmin, they were all out looking in different places. 4. Mum rang the cops. 5. It was Tanner's idea. Zane read his mind before he said it. They got to the oval in record time, and Zane was the one who saw me first.

***

'Indi!' I woke up to my name being yelled. It took a minute for my senses to come back. Two people were running toward me. As they got nearer, I could see it was Zane and- oh shit. Tanner. I pulled my airpods out. Zane knelt beside me. 'You good, bubs?' he asked. I shook my head.

'I-I don't feel good. I think I passed out too,' I mumbled. He looked extremely concerned.

'You reckon you're good to walk?' he asked. I nodded. I was wrong. We didn't get five meters before I collapsed again.

***

This time when I woke up, Tanner was holding me. I kept my eyes shut. I was not going to KO again. I guess what I felt then could only be described as the feeling you get when your ex still loves you. Heavy heavy guilt. Zane was talking to Mum on his phone; I could hear him. 'We found her. She was on the Queens oval. No. She said she didn't feel right and said she passed out, then when she tried to walk, she fainted again, so Tanner carried her to the rooms, and we're waiting for the ambos because she can't move. Why? Because it's a head injury. Ok. Fine. I'll see youse there,' he hung up.

'What'd she say?' Tanner asked.

'She went into a whole rant about how we shouldn't have moved her from the oval, then said her and Yas will meet us there and Dad'll come after work.' he said. Tanner nodded. Sirens in the background. Footsteps on the concrete, then a lady's voice. 'You guys' Tanner Bruhn and Zane Duursma?' she asked. Silence, they must've nodded. 'This the patient?' she asked again.

'Yeah,' Zane said. I felt a cold hand on my right temple, and jolted, my eyes flying open.

'Patient responsive,' the lady, a short muscular figure with bright red hair, called to the ambo behind her. She leant in. 'Can you tell me your name, darl?' she asked.

'Indi Duursma.' I replied. I could speak properly this time, at least, even if I felt like my legs were made of lead. 'Right. We'll get her into the ambulance, and I'll ask the rest of the questions on the way,' she said. The ambo started toward the hospital, and Dr. Cornell, as she introduced herself, asked more questions.

'So how did this happen? As in, what do you think may have caused it?' she asked. I strained my memory.

'You'll have to ask Sienna for the bigger details, but I got done by a chick at school,' I explained, grabbing Zane's shoulder as another blackout threatened. She wrote it down. 'Who's Sienna? What do you mean by "done"? And why?' she quizzed.

'Sienna's Tanner's sister, my best friend, and I can't remember why but I remember who and by done, I mean she punched me,' I added. Tanner looked like he was about to blow a bolt. 'This won't go on the records, but could you tell me who? Just so I can tell your family if you're unable at the time,' Dr. Cornell said. I glanced at Tanner.

'Her name is Charlotte Wilson,' I said.

'Bitch,' Tanner muttered, quiet enough that I could hear. Dr. Cornell nodded and stood up to open the back doors of the ambo as it came to a stop. 'Oh, and before we go in, what are these boys' relationship to you? Legal reasons,' she said. I gulped.

'Well, Zane's my brother, and Tanner- Tanner's my- he's...' I stumbled. Dr. Cornell waited. Say it. I couldn't. 'Tanner's Zane's mate,' I said. Zane stared. Tanner looked down. Dr. Cornell smiled.

'Righto, that's all good then. You look alright to walk, so we'll get you into a room and get Isabel; she's our head injuries nurse- to come have a look before we jump to conclusions,' she said. I nodded. I felt a hand slip into mine. Zane. 'Don't let go,' I whispered. Zane, my Irish twin, 11 months apart, the one who taught me everything. Footy, barrels, checksides, how to handball. I was where I was because of him. He was my support. My lifeline. If he left, I wouldn't handle it. In my mind, I would just, well, die.