Lanterns in the Rain

Chapter Fourteen: Passed In Blur

The weight of the conversation lingered long after Rae had walked away from Henry. She hadn't expected things to feel this difficult. She had thought, naively, that by now, she would have figured it all out. That she would have known what to say or how to act. But everything had shifted, and with each passing moment, Rae found herself growing more unsure of what she wanted, or even needed. 

School seemed like a blur in the days following their conversation. The dull hum of classroom chatter felt distant, like Rae was watching everything from behind glass. She hadn't talked to Henry much since that moment, the awkwardness lingering between them like a heavy fog neither of them knew how to navigate. 

But the tension was growing. She could feel it in the spaces between them—the long, heavy silences, the sudden glances, the way they both seemed to pull away just when it seemed like they might finally break through the walls they had built around themselves. 

One afternoon, after school, Rae found herself alone in the library. She had started to make it a habit to retreat there in the quiet moments when she needed space, and today was no different. Her hands ran over the pages of a book she wasn't really reading, her thoughts more consumed with Henry than anything else. 

She was so lost in her own mind that she didn't hear the footsteps approaching until they were almost upon her. 

"Hey." 

Rae looked up, startled to see Henry standing in front of her. His hands were shoved into his pockets, his posture casual, but his eyes betrayed the tension that still hung between them. 

"Hi," Rae said quietly, her voice betraying none of the turmoil she felt inside. 

There was a brief pause before Henry spoke again. "Can we talk?" 

Rae nodded, her chest tight. She didn't know if she was ready for another conversation, but she couldn't avoid it forever. 

Henry slid into the chair across from her, his gaze never leaving her face. "I've been thinking about what you said. About you being scared." 

Rae felt her heart rate spike, but she forced herself to stay calm, not wanting to show just how much his words affected her. "It's not just that. It's... everything." She swallowed hard. "I've never really let anyone in. And now... now that I've started, I don't know what to do with it." 

Henry's expression softened, his brow furrowing as if he were trying to understand, trying to reach her. "You don't have to figure it out all at once, Rae. You don't have to have all the answers right now." 

"But I feel like I should," Rae said, her voice small, almost ashamed. "I feel like I should know what I want, what I'm doing." 

Henry's eyes searched hers, and for a moment, Rae could have sworn she saw a flicker of something—understanding, maybe even hurt—in his gaze. "You don't need to know, Rae. I'm not asking for answers. I'm asking you to trust me... to let me be here for you, even if you don't know what it looks like." 

Rae stared at him, her heart pounding. It was so simple, the way he said it, as if it could really be that easy. But it wasn't. It couldn't be. 

"I don't know if I can do that," she whispered, her throat tight with emotion. "I don't know if I can trust anyone with this part of me." 

Henry leaned forward, his voice soft but steady. "You don't have to give me everything at once, Rae. Just... just give me a chance." 

Rae looked down at her hands, her mind racing. She wanted to trust him. She wanted to believe that it was safe, that he wouldn't hurt her, but the fear was suffocating. She had spent so many years keeping herself guarded, keeping everyone at arm's length, that the idea of letting someone close felt like stepping off a cliff without knowing what was at the bottom. 

But Henry wasn't asking for everything. He was just asking for a chance. 

Rae met his gaze, her breath catching in her throat. "I'm scared," she said quietly. "I'm scared of how this could end." 

Henry smiled faintly, the corners of his eyes softening. "I can't promise anything, Rae. But I can promise you that I'm not going anywhere. Not if you don't want me to." 

The sincerity in his voice sent a shock of warmth through her chest. For the first time in a long time, Rae felt a flicker of hope. It wasn't everything, but it was enough. 

She took a deep breath, trying to steady her racing heart. "Okay," she said, her voice barely above a whisper. "Okay, Henry." 

He smiled then, a soft, genuine smile that made something inside Rae soften. "I'm here," he said. "Whenever you're ready." 

And for the first time in what felt like forever, Rae believed him. She didn't have to have all the answers, and she didn't have to be perfect. She just had to take the next step. And maybe, just maybe, that was enough. 

The rest of the afternoon passed in a blur, but when Rae left the library later, her steps felt a little lighter. It wasn't fixed, not yet, but the cracks in her armor had widened just enough to let in a little light.