Diaries: Seasons

10: Trust

Christian

For the past day, no one has come to see me but Dad. Last time I talked to Tristian was yesterday and for A'Brianna, it was around eleven. I've called around 20 times and still no answer. What's going on?

"Christian? You okay?" Dad asked.

I was about to come back with a sarcastic 'Just dandy' but I figured if he wanted a real relationship, I'd be the mature one and step up to the plate.

"I'm worried about Tris. She hasn't called since yesterday night after I sent her home and she promised that she'd be here first thing this morning and she didn't turn up. It's not like her to blow something like this off, especially when she feels like it's all her fault in the first place. And A'Brianna hasn't called back either. I've called Tristian's phone like 20 times and even gave Bri's phone a few rings but neither of them answered. I'm scared for them." I raved. "I mean, Tristian is my little sister, my twin, my best friend, my pain in the ass. She's my world and if something happened to her, I just don't know." (A/N - Awww❤️)

Dad just listened as I went on and on about everything that's happened ever since he left and not surprisingly, he was angry that I was taking my anger out on him with my words. He better not be. He deserved it. He shed a few tears himself, especially when I told him about how happy Mom is without him. I think that's what hurt him the most. But it had to be said. 10 years is a long time to be alone, raising children and dealing with the mental aspect of everything.

The first year had to be the roughest. I was seven but I remember Mom staying up in the middle of the night and cry because he was really gone. She couldn't believe it and sometimes tried to talk herself into saying that it wasn't true. That her beloved Jacob was in the bed waiting for her, like normal. Other nights, she'd curse his very name, existence, anything you can think of. Hell, even his mom for giving birth to him. She couldn't stand the fact that he left her by herself with 2 young children, a house, and a divorce. I used to think that she was the crazy one but over time, I realized that it was the other way around. It wasn't always the other way around but it turned the other way with time.

He basically got tired of their marriage and cheated with the woman he claimed to hate. She found out, he tried to make it work, she wasn't sure, he went borderline mental, and while she was pregnant with my brother or sister, he did the unthinkable, and in a fit of rage, kicked her right in the stomach. She lost the baby and went into depression. When she decided that that was the last straw, he wasn't losing everything he had and abused her, keeping all windows and doors locked, and keeping her away from us unless it was to feed us or put us to bed.

On those nights, Tristian would sit up in her room crying. She was afraid of Dad and wanted to see her mommy. I'd wrap my arms around her tiny frame and sit with her, waiting the night out. We both did but we didn't want Mom to get hurt anymore than she already was so we stayed away and obeyed Dad.

Then that fateful day when Dad moved out. Mom was completely sick of his crazy behavior and kicked him out for real. He just up and left. The night before he gave us kisses and told us he loved us every 10 seconds. We were happy to get the affection we needed from our dad and played with him all day. But the next morning, he was gone with all of his stuff. Mom looked relieved and sad at the same time but genuinely smiled while telling us so he were happy, too.

Forgiving him is easier said than done and I don't know if it's worth it sometimes. An 'I'm sorry' doesn't fix years of being abandoned by your father. But he looks so sincere and heartbroken. I'm not sure which route to take.

"Do you regret what you did?" I asked.
"I regret everything."  He said, putting his head in his hands.
"Help me find Tristian." I concluded. "I obviously can't walk or go anywhere so you'll be my eyes and ears. Here are the keys to the apartment, the piece of paper is the address. One step out of line, and this," I pointed between me and him, "is over. Understand?"
"Of course. Thank you." He said gratefully.
"You're welcome. Now go see if she's in the apartment. If she is, drag her here if you have to. Her and A'Brianna. They've got some explaining to do."

I thought I was really finna be cute this school year. But my workout said, " yeah right."