✔️ Salvation (Kakashi x OC) (Standalone)

31.2

Written: 11/23/24
Word Count: 1,101

I turned mute, just peering at him with owlish eyes. My brain refused to compute or make sense of the simplicity of his statement.

Was it really...that easy?

"I know I should apologize to you," Kakashi said, breaking his stoic character by agonizing over his hands. He played with the fingerless openings in his gloves, refusing to look up. "I know I should. But if I acted with purpose, then what good is apologizing? I was of sound mind."

"You don't have to apologize," I said, somewhat strangled.

Kakashi acted as if he hadn't heard me. "What kind of scoundrel would it make me to apologize for something I knew would be cruel and hurtful? I—" Kakashi stilled, looking up at me with those dark eyes. They caught the light of the tiki torches, flickering flames making them shine like stars. He really looked like an anime character right then. "I can't do anything for you. I can't stay with you. I can't—"

"I understand—"

"So how can I ask you to stay by my side when I'm just going to leave?" Kakashi finished, his hands scrubbing at his hair and further throwing it into disarray.

"But—"

"And then I thought," Kakashi stared, hard, at the table, but I knew he wasn't really seeing the table, "what if it hadn't been me?"

That threw me. "Wha—"

"With the way you are, anybody would have fallen for you," Kakashi scoffed. "I was completely defenseless."

"Excuse m—"

"What if it hadn't been me?"

I reached across the table, covering his mouth with my hand. "But it was you."

Muffled, his voice came out nearly indistinguishable. "But what if it wasn't me?"

"But it was." I sighed heavily, then pulled away. At least he'd calmed down now. I'd never seen him talk so much, like he was a robot on autopilot. Was that what I looked like during an anxiety attack? "If Benimaru Shinmon teleported here right now, do you think I would get up and go running after him? Do you think I'm that kind of person, Kakashi?"

Silenced, Kakashi disappeared into his head. I saw the wheels turning. Eventually, his mouth twisted to the side. "No."

"Do you think I haven't thought about that?" I asked, a frustrated tinge husking at my words. "I heard what Patty said, too. What if it hadn't been me? You're so sure that I'm this lovable person. Whatever. Agree to disagree. But what about you? If I'm lovable, then that makes you—what? Worship-worthy?"

"Why do you put yourself down like that?" Kakashi countered. "Who is saying these things to you? Or is it you?"

I crossed my arms. "Why do you think you're some monster incapable of connecting with others? I could do this all day, Kakashi. Anything you say, I can throw it right back. Maybe that's how we ended up like this." I gave him a wry smile. "Two weirdos finally finding someone to hang with to make it all a little less lonely."

Kakashi's brow furrowed, and his mouth opened, but I stopped him.

"I...don't know what love is," I confessed. "I've known about my feelings for a while, but I always came up to a wall when I thought, 'Well, what do you want from him?'" I laughed, but it rang harsh. "I know you're leaving, but even if you weren't, I wouldn't know what to do with these feelings. I just...don't have a clue how to be in a relationship. Makes me cringe over all the times I tried to offer my sister advice."

"But I'm leaving," Kakashi echoed, and we fell silent.

The dancing turned slower, and love songs spilled forth from some ingenious playlist. They weren't really radio songs. And it covered all genres from R&B, to Pop, to Country, to Hard Rock. A little bit for everybody.

"Did you really think it would hurt less if you walked away from me before you were gone?" I asked him, getting to my feet.

Down the hill, the teens and tweens had squared up in a serious game. Sam sat on the sideline with the kittens, three younger kids sitting in a row beside her. She still sat tucked behind her knees, but at least she was there. Still talking to the little ones next to her whenever they leveled one of their ten-thousand questions at her.

I smiled a little. Was she answering questions about basketball? Did she know anything about basketball?

"I—" he petered out, realizing he had nothing to say.

I walked around the table with my empty plate. "Because it won't," I told him. "You think the moment you're out of sight, I stop thinking about you? Wrong. I only worry more. Who's feeding you? Are you cold? Are they making you do things that you don't want to do? I'm filled with questions."

"So, then what?" Kakashi fired back. "I just continue to take advantage of you and then poof, I'm gone?" A strangled sigh got caught in his throat, and his hands were back in his hair. "This is why I worry about you. You let people do whatever they want. You let them use you. You're a magnet for those who don't deserve to be around you. Your taste in men is horrible."

I grabbed his plate. "I don't have a taste in men." I shrugged. "I just have you."

"You won't stop trying to help, will you?" he asked, voice pitched high at the end like he hoped this was all a game, a ruse.

That I was just joshing, no biggie.

For once, it was me who looked down upon him. I reached out a hand, resting it on the edge of where his mask met his cheek. "We have a time limit. I always knew that. But...it's my choice," I copied his words from that night. "I want to see you home with my own eyes."

His head followed my touch, lighting up the tips of my fingers with electricity. I leaned down, balancing the empty plates and silverware in one hand, as I pulled the edge of the mask down with a finger. Placing a soft kiss on a cheek as smooth as silk, I fixed the mask back in place.

"Dance with me?"

A familiar intro to a song's live album version had begun, the words spoken by a high but masculine voice. One could mistake it for a kid's, except for the way each syllable was uttered with the weight of a life lived marching through the trenches of existence.

"This is my song," I said.